Beautiful Life!

Tahun lepas, I got attached to a general practice kt Berresfield. The GP I was attached to was named Dr. A (not a real name). Dr A. ni sgt cool, sgt baik hati. No matter how bad or how stupid I was he always found excuses for me. Tak payah aku nak perah otak bagi alasan kenapa aku tak reti jawab or tak reti nak buat sthg…dier yg akan provide alasan untuk aku.

“So this kid has been having these symptoms for two weeks now. Is it virus or bacteria?” Dier tanya soalan kt aku. Cara dier tanya dgn tersenyum2 tu memang nampak cam dier expect aku boleh jawab lah. I felt so pressured. Was I supposed to know the answer? Tapi tak tahu pun takkan tak nak jawab? ‘I don’t know’ sounds so lame. So aku pun teka.

“Virus?”

Perubahan air muka dier waktu tu sgt funny. Dier mcm nampak kecewa. Immediately, I knew I was wrong.

“Bacteria?” Aku teka sekali lagi, kali ni confident. Dier senyum dengan sikit punya lebar, mcm lah aku teka pandai sgt. Kalau dah bukan virus, mestilah bacteria. Tapi cara dier senyum tu, mcm lah aku jawab hebat sgt.

And then ada sekali tu dier suruh aku amik blood pressure. Masalah aku ialah aku mcm tak berapa dengar sgt. Aku tak tahu apa masalah aku time tu. But I just rambled something along the lines of 150/80. Aku confident systole tu 150, it’s the diastole yg aku cam confuse. tapi aku malas nak dengar berkali-kali. Lagipun with my hijab and all, mcm malas aku nak amik pusing dah.

“It’s 150/80.” Aku ckp, faking the kind of confidence I din feel inside.

He bit his lip. “Yes…erm, actually it’s 150/90. But it’s ok…diastole has always been a little bit hard to get. Because the sound tends to be muffled, and unclear. It always takes practice. But you did very well.”

See?

Baik sgt! Padahal, kalau pun diastole tu tak clear takkan lah sampai jauh beza. 80 and 90 tu mcm bumi dgn langit! Aku pun rasa malu bila dier asyik give excuses for me.

Dier dah tua, fatherly (or grandfatherly?). Muka dier ni sentiasa senyum. Dier pandai layan budak2, org tua and remaja. Memang tak kering idea dier nak bersembang. I always thought that I was shy, tapi dgn dier cam ok pula aku ber’small talk’. No awkwardness…smooth jer flow of conversation.

One day, aku masuklah tutorial lepas my attachment. Terlambat sikit sebab aku terlepas train. My tutor Dr. Patterson asked me why I was late. So I told him that I just got back from attachment kt Berresfield with Dr. A.  I told Dr. Patterson that there would only be one more visit left to do. And after that I would not be late again.

“Dr A? Oh, he is the head of rural GP. Did you see him on TV last night? He was speaking about rural health at that time.”

Wow! Aku attached dgn org yg famous! Head of rural GP, no less! It’s a good thing I did not know from the very beginning, kalau tak mesti aku nervous. Now, there was only one more visit to his GP that I was going to have to attend. Too late nak nervous lebih2.

So the last visit tu, aku study cam nak rak. Dah tahu dier ni somebody important, tak nak lah dier ingat aku ni bengap sgt. So, I did my homework much more diligently.

So, that day, ader one old lady ni datang nak buat blood test. So, venepuncture lah nak kena buat ni. Venepuncture is like the most basic skill that a doctor has to know (eventhough aku pun tak confident lagi buat benda ni). But to my amazement (and chagrin), he could not get any blood the first time. Nor the second time. And then tukar the other arm. It took him another two trials to get the lady’s blood.

Lady tu cam annoyed jugalah. Berapa kali kena cucuk tak dapat darah lagi. Huhuhu. Tapi lady tu pun, vein kt tgn dier tu cam susah juga nak cari.

However Dr. A tu sgt humble. He admitted his mistakes. Dier ckp, dier dah out of practice. Sejak jadi head of rural GP ni, dier pergi GP setiap hari Rabu and Selasa jer. Selasa pun half day. The rest, isteri dier yg urus. He made self-depprecating jokes that the lady just could not resist. Memang dr. ni pandai ambil hati. I love seeing him dealing with his patients.

And I guess, maybe sebab tu dier boleh accept my numerous mistakes. Sentiasa bagi motivation, tak pernah nak bengang dgn aku. Sebab dier tahu even head of rural GP pun boleh buat silap dgn venepuncture.

“The most basic of procedure pun boleh ada complications that can result in death. So, never take things for granted. Even cosmetic surgery pun can result in death.”

Satu lagi Dr. A ni sgt berminat nak ambil tahu pasal aku. Expecially after I asked him if I could use his room at lunch for my Zuhur prayer. I was so scared nak minta sebenarnya. Aku selalu imagine…aku nak ke bagi kalau tiba2 ader indian ke dtg nak sembahyang kt perkarangan rumah aku (belum lagi masuk rumah!). So, aku jadi paranoid nak minta kt dier, sebab to be honest, I would be reluctant to allow anyone untuk buat upacara sembahyang dier kat my private domain. I guess I am the bad person here. Tapi, Dr. A tu seperti biasa senyum jer and said ‘Of couse, of course.’

So, because that was the last day aku kt GP dier, so dier panggil aku masuk kitchen. Dier nak buatkan kopi. Haih…cair cair! Dier bercerita about his wife and his sons and how old they were. Lepas tu dier tanya pasal my family and why I want to become a dr.

And then he leaned forward and asked me “Do you really want to become a doctor?”

“Yes,” I said (I already love medicine at that time.). “But initially no. I am not proud to admit that I lied during my medical interview.”

He laughed. Aku pun nak tergelak tengok dier gelak.

“You look happy. You are a happy person, aren’t you?”

Terkejut aku time tu. Aku tak derlah bersedih…tapi aku tak derlah happy all the time. So, aku tak tahu nak jawab caner.

“Yes, I can see you are a happy person.” Dier tambah lagi. So last skali aku pun cakap jer lah “yes, i am happy.”

Nak kata apa lagi?

In retrospect, I think I know why he was so concerned about my happiness. Bila aku fikir balik, actually dier byk deal with org yg depressed. There were plenty of depressed patient kt klinik dier. And ironically, medic student lah org yg paling byk mengalami depression. Suicidal ideation byk among doctors.

Surprise kan? You would think that doctors should know better than to go around being depressed and have suicidal ideation? Ni lah konsep berilmu tapi tak beramal kot. You don’t always walk the talk. You don’t always practice what you preach.

So that evening, aku minta diri, say thank you for everything he had taught me. And I gave him a big box of Ferrero Rocher. As usual, dier gelak-gelak jer and ckp dier suka sgt chocolate.

I think, he is a happy person too.

Filed under: The life of med student and