Beautiful Life!

   Lagi beberapa hari lagi nak balik Aussie. And setiap tahun pun I will feel like this…mcm nervous, risau, and excited. Macam mula2 nak masuk darjah satu, or masa mula2 nak pindah sekolah masuk MRSM Langkawi. Even though the fact is it would be my third year kat this uni…but I still feel nervous.

   There’s also the fact that I would not be seeing my family for ten whole months! Anything could happen in than span of time. I am, at heart, a worrier. Kalau my mom selalu balik pukul 2, and tetiba pukul 2.30 dier tak balik lagi, macam2 dlm kepala otak aku nih. And when my father had promised that he would pick me up from sport practice kul 5, tiba2 dah 5.30 dier tak datang lagi,I would be beside myself with worry.

    Ada sekali tu time aku first year kt Aussie. Handset aku berbunyi pukul 10 malam. It said at the screen that it was my dad calling. And the thought in my head was : “Ayah tak pernah call guna handset dier. And selalunya mak yang call, ayah tak pernah call. Ayah selalunya akan suruh mak yg call and then mom will pass the phone to dad. And today is not weekend. Why did he call? Something happen to mom?” Tangan aku terketar2 nak jawab phone. And aku tengah fikir aku ader ke duit nak tempah tiket flight all of a sudden. When I answered the phone, it was my mom’s voice. So, I was relieved that mom was apparently alive. Tapi aku fikir pula: Something happens to dad? And before I realized it, I was crying. Not loud, sobbing cries but silent tears.

   It turned out that ayah aku nak perabih kredit rupanya. So dier suruh mak aku call guna handset dier. Huyss…kus semangat! The thing was, the call was so out of character. We talk once a week during weekends…the rest of the time sms. So aku cam pelik lah. Lepas tu kalutlah aku nak cover kat my mom kenapa my voice lain semacam.

    Sem lepas, after being pointed out by Dayah and Suhaila, I realized that I am  paranoid! Dahlah time tu tengah belajar psychiatry…memang kena batang hidunglah time tu. Cuma tak sekronik org sakit mental jer. At least aku tak derlah fikir FBI or CIA nak culik aku sebab diorang tahu I hate America with a vengeance. Hahhaha…..mcm pesakit mental yg aku jumpa hari tu. Siap percaya police ader conspiracy nak masukkan darah alien dalam badan dier. What rubbish!

   Sometimes I wonder apsal aku cam ni. And the answer hit me: I hate changes. Or rather, I am not comfortable with changes. Kalau ada jer benda yg berubah, my thought would be, it must be bad.

   I love habit. But that doesn’t mean I am opposed to small changes or good changes. My sister got married and I like it. Sometimes I took a different route to uni and I enjoyed the walk. Tapi ada certain benda, certain things yang aku tak boleh ubah… kalau benda tu mmg aku dah selalu buat mcm tu…jangan nak ubah2.

   For a medical student, is that a good attitude? Me, so unflexible. I have to wonder, kenapa aku ambil medicine? Aku tak suka duk oversea (even though I only realize it now, and not not before. Because I am a worrier, I should not be too far away where my family cannot reach me). Aku tak suka tak boleh baca novel unless time cuti semester, sebab weekend dah penuh kena cover benda2 lain yg tak study lagi. AKu tak suka tak ader masa to write. I used to write short stories, poetries, even novels. Now, my whole life is medicine!

  Maybe mcm nilah org yg dah kahwin rasa. Dier dah committed with that person…but every now and then dier akan terfikir, what would happen if I don’t get married and still get to do all those things I have always wanted to do.  I will get to spend my money however I like, I will get to go places and travel wherever I please. Now my whole life is the kids!

So, I will indulge in this kind of daydreaming for now.

If I am not a medical student, I would be:

1)A novelist

-I will write romance and thriller and mystery. Setiap hari I will get into my library (I would have my own library. I know it’s too luxurious, tapi ni angan2 so it’s allowed) and write all my stuff, stopping only to pray and eat and bathe.

-Waktu malam would be my time to catch up on my reading or do some research for my novel.

-Aku tak payah fikir nak beli blouse or slack yg formal because I only work in my own house.

-Once a week,aku ada meeting dengan persatuan penulis2 se-Malaysia, or something like that. And I am the president. Huhuhu.

2)A librarian

-Please don’t picture librarian yg mcm kat library awam Kedah tu. Yang kerja check out buku and check in buku jer. No! That’s not the kind of librarian I mean.

-I am a librarian with a degree in History. I am given a sum of money every year ( dalam 2 juta lebih )…and I could choose what books to add in the collection of the library. I am also in charge with buying ‘rare books’. I am the only person given the key and personal codes to access a big massive room full with important documents. And someone would be trying to murder me in order to get his hands on my key and codes. Hahahah.

-When I am writing this; I was thinking about National Treasure 2, Da Vinci Code and David Baldacci’s The Collectors.

3)A Lawyer

-Not many people like lawyers. In fact, many hate them. But I think lawyers are one of the most cleverest occupation ever. And after years of arguing with my dad (and now that I am more older and matured, I always win and my dad sometimes agrees with my opinion) it’s only natural that I would make a damn good lawyer.

-I would be busy with cases, sometimes I would sleep in my office. My parents would worry about me and I would say, “Ni tanggungjawab angah, mak. I have to fight for justice.” hahhahah.

4) An Archaeologist.

-I think this is also an exciting job. Aku tak tahu kenapa selama ni aku dok nampak medic, engineering and yg sewaktu dengannya. Banyak lagi job yg best and challenging.

-You get to travel…perhaps to Egypt, Greece, Italy. Bekerjasama dengan scientist, engineer and doctor when all of you team up for an expedition. You get to enter pyramids or subterranean crypts. Unearth the world’d mystery, discover the lost world of Atlantis, handle the ancient artifacts that people could only stare at in museum. And then you write a research journal about your astounding discoveries. How exciting is that?

5) In police and military and navy force

-Since I would want to graduate first before I can join all these forces, my position would at least be a chief inspector, not a mere sergeant. Kalau masuk military, paling lekeh pun captain.

-Maybe aku akan masuk Special Branch (SB) and jadi spies. SB ni (for those who do not know) ala2 CIA untuk America and KGB untuk Russia. Kiranya SB ni intelligence agency untuk Malaysia lah. Of course SB ni taklah sehebat CIA or KGB, but at least lagi exciting drpd polis biasa. Nobody really knows what you do. You can’t explain your mission to your wife (in my case, a husband) or kids.

- I find it interesting that setiap kedutaan ada spies. Kedutaan America ada spies yg mengintip kita. Kedutaan kita kat sana pun ada spies yg mengintip diorang. Can you imagine that? Just think…they say Chinese students kat America actually spy org China. Exciting kan? Entah2 sesiapa kawan2 kita kt uni adalah spy. Kerajaan Malaysia pun ada hantar spy kt Aussie. They know what we do….adakah kita betul2 pergi sana untuk belajar…or kita ni terrorist. Sometimes I look at my housemates….and I have to wonder (all right, I am paranoid!)

-Yang menariknya, semua kita tahu that dalam pejabat kedutaan ada spy negara masing2. Tapi semua org buat2 tak tahu. “Oh, nak hantar duta and diplomat kat negara kami? Oh,boleh2, why not. Kami pun nak hantar duta kat negara korang juga, boleh kan? Untuk kebajikan pelajar2 and rakyat kami and you know, other things.”

Okey, I will stop berangan now. The thing is I am committed. At this point, there is no turning back.

Like I said, it’s like being married. Tipulah kalau once in a while, you don’t look back and think what would have been if I am married to A instead of B? What would have been kalau aku still single?

But then you look at your kids, your husband and the whole life you have built together and you think, it doesn’t matter. I don’t need to know what would have been, I am content with what I have. This is my jodoh.

Mcm tu jugalah dgn budak medic. Semua kawan2 aku pernah wonder, kenapalah dia tak jadi cikgu ke? or acountant ke? But you have chosen Medic (married to it, more like it)…you can choose to abandon it, of course…but you look at your files worth of three years of notes. You look at your books, altogether worth nearly a thousand. You look at your age (almost suku abad)…and you think, this is my fate.

   Besides, I already love medic too much.

   But you will also look back, and wonder, and wonder…

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