Beautiful Life!

“angah dah graduate nanti,balik kerja kat Kedah ja. Boleh duk umah…tak payah masak, tak payah basuh baju. Balik kerja jadi intern penat2 boleh terus terlentang tidur.” My mom said on the phone the other day. It was said with her persuasive tone of voice that all mothers refined to a fine art over the years.

I swallowed. “Owh…okay.” I wished  my mom did not detect the slight hesitation in my voice.

“Tapi…katakanlah…katakanlah..” you’d notice I repeat the word ‘katakanlah’ just so they would not think I really wanted to. “…katakanlah angah nak buat intern kat sini? Tak pa dak?”

What I really wanted to say: “What happens to doing my specialist training here? You said I could, last year. And now ur changing ur mind?”

Hmm…tapi aku tak cakaplah lagu tu. Malas lah nak argue over the phone.

Rebellious?

I have always been comfortable arguing with my family members. My parents probably think I am stubborn ke, atau pun banyak kerenah ke, or probably baran (ikut perangai ayah hang, my mom would say). But….there’s one thing that I definitely WASN’T.

I was never rebellious. And this is not ‘masuk bakul angkat sendiri’ type of statement. I really was not rebellious. I never did something just because someone said I could not. I would like to think that I had never been that petty or that childish or that irrational.

Contoh; My parents said I should never take drugs…and I never did (extreme kan example aku…but I have known ppl who did this, destroying themselves just to spite their parents). I had never been the sort of person yang nak cuba2 buat something just to test my limit with my parents. Or saja2 nak buat benda yang dilarang to gain attention. Or to say or do something just for the sake of being contradictory or difficult. To me, that is utter stupidity. And I would like to think that I was not stupid. Kalaupun  aku pernah go against my parents’ wishes, it was because I believed I was doing the right thing.

Tapi…after the call last week….I am no longer sure about that. Maybe, I am just a little bit rebellious.

Last year, when my parents suggested that I should do my specialist training kat OZ, I told them that I could not wait to get back to Malaysia. And as far as I was concerned, at that time, it was true. I have never actively planned to do my after-grad training in OZ…5 years is too long already.

Tapi last week, suddenly I felt like one my options was taken away. It’s gone! And tiba2…aku dok dengar ramai plak kawan2 aku yg plan nak kerja kat Aussie for a while. It caused me to wonder what I would be missing.

So am I rebellious? Before the call…I don’t intend to train kat Aussie, or rather I never had to give it a serious thought. I just thought if I want to do so in the future, I will just do it and therefore there is no need for me to think about it now. But after the call….suddenly aku rasa macam, damn it, now I absolutely kena balik Malaysia.

Everyone would like to have an illusion of freedom even though there may not be any. An illusion of having choices! And now, I dun have that illusion anymore. Now, aku memang tak dak choice. Sebab sekrang ni aku terbayang kisah pemuda yang kena potong kaki tangan (kena tuduh mencuri, was it?) sebab dia tak dengar cakap mak dia and insisted nak mengembara mencari ilmu. So, I have no choice kan? Aku tak nak kudung! hahhaha.

So now, I am frantic with making plans nak melawat OZ sebab aku iA ada 3 tahun ja nak melancong. Sebelum ni ada jaulah ke apa ke…aku malas2 jer nak join. But now, aku memang nak berjalan2 sebab dah tak der masa.

Pros and Cons

Best sgt ke Aussie? Apa yang best?

- Entah. Tak tahu. Apa yang best kat Aussie? Adakah pada orang nya? Culturenya?

“Kalau kak ngah kawen ngan orang Aussie, mcm mana?” I joked one day. My parents did not laugh. Obviously, they were not amused.  Dlu2 ada juga diorang gelak2. But when I used that jokes too often, they probably began to think I was serious. And then diorang memang cakap straight and discourage me totally. And now, they don’t even laugh at jokes of that flavour. Apparently, I have to think up another joke.   

-Healthcare system

I am not in the position to compare healthcare system Aussie vs that of malaysia. AKu tak pernah lagi buat placement kt Mesia, so how can I give an objective comparison? Tapi menurut senior2 yang pernah wat HES placement kat Malasyia…OZ nyer system way superior. Lagi best nak kerja di OZ. Tengok system GP pun dah cukup. Back in Malaysia, I don’t even have a regular GP. Klinik mana yang dekat, atau pun yang mana yang buka, or yang mana yang my parents happen to pass by, yang tu lah yang aku pergi dapatkan rawatan. 

So in that sense, ni lah yang best kat OZ. Kalau nak rasa mcm mana bekerja under system yang efficient, kerjalah di OZ.

-Internship senang

Oh yes…this point is a biggie. Memang internship dia lagi senang drdp kt Mesia. And orang kat sini takkan marah ko or maki ko….that’s verbal harrassment! Macam mana annoyed pun diorang dgn ko, they still have basic politeness yang diorang maintain.  Now I am not saying Malaysian doctors tak polite. Just…not as polite. Bukan doctors jer, malah cashier pun tak polite, pegawai polis, pegawai imigresen, pegawai bank…they are not as polite as the Australians. It made me so annoyed sometimes.

 

-Budaya kerja

And orang kat sini rasanya lagi forthright and lagi transparent…they don’t like ass-kissers. Aku rasa budaya membodek tu lagi hebat berlaku di Mesia…which is a custom yang aku memang tak boleh masuk.  The reason why aku tak berminat nak masuk bidang business or politics or kerja kat office is because: you will be dependent dengan orang atasan, bukan ur own skill or worth. Kalau dapat ketua baik, nasib baiklah. Kalau dapat ketua kerek, you are stuffed! Kena lawan membodek dengan colleagues.

Am I saying doktor tak perlu bodek untuk naik pangkat? Well, tak juga. Kalau nak naik pangkat jadi penolong pengarah hospital ke or naik pangkat ke bahagian pentadbiran ke, nak jadi menteri kesihatan ke, maybe ko kena gak kiss ass along the way. But in my case : aku tak berminat nak naik pangkat ke admin. I want to practice my craft and be the kind of doctor who meets patients. The kind of doctor yang do ward rounds. Bukan the kind yang stuck kt office. It’s enough for me to become a specialist, and that’s it. Tak ada jawatan pun ak per. So, I dun need to kiss ass! I only need to improve my skills…whether or not I succeed depends on myself and no one else’s favours. Aku ni bukannya baik sgt…tak nak terima favours. Kalau org nak bagi, aku amik jer. Tapi aku tak nak kena bersusah payah, terhegeh2 meminta2! It’s degrading and humiliating!

-Pengalaman

Bukan senang nak kerja kat negara luar. The thing is, u dun get these kind of experience every day. Sebab aku iA grad kt Aussie, lagi senang untuk aku dapat buat internship kat sini berbanding org yg grad elsewhere. Lots of ppl datang buat training kt OZ…it’s one of the best healthcare system in the whole wide world. I am not sure I am ready to turn my back on the opportunity yang org lain berebut2 nak dapatkan. It seems un-clever (not stupid, mind you, just unwise).

-Excitement/motivation

Aku rasa kerja kat Aussie lagi exciting. It motivates me. Sebab aku rasa mcam aku minoriti, so aku kena keep up, jgn malas. Jangan malukan Muslim, jgn malukan Malaysians. Don’t let them think you are stupid! Because then, they would think all Muslim women are stupid, tak berani nak speak up, tak ada opinion sendiri, tak nak contribute in society, anti-social, you name it!

Maybe sebab tu kot aku jadi sgt malu kalau tak boleh jawab soalan2 doktor. Dulu, I was not so hard on myself kalau pun aku tak reti jawab. Tapi sejak datang Aussie, people will judge u together with ur religion. So, kalau ko bodoh, they will think the Muslims are stupid, lembab, lembik etc. etc. Ada sekali tu, aku naik kereta ngan my friend. My friend yg drive and we made a mistake on the road…it was just a simple mistake. But it embarrassed the hell out of us. Kalau kat Mesia, orang hon aku, maybe aku buat selamba kering jer. Tak pun, aku hon balik lagi kuat! But here, dengan adanya certain negara Islam yang tak kasi women drive, aku takut Ausralian fikir “huh, tu pasallah lembab sgt diorang ni bawa kereta! Baru nak bertatih datang sini.”

These are simple little things that you have to face in your daily life kat sini. But it made a difference in the way you behave. Dulu, aku takkan kutip pun sampah tepi jalan and buangkan dalam tong sampah. Entah2, aku pun buang sampah sama. Pernah jer aku buang sampah tepi jalan kt mesia and kawan aku tegur aku at that time. And aku plak fikir, ala, rilek arr, apsal skema sgt ni, kertas jer. Tapi kat sini, aku tolong juga kutip empty cans tepi jalan. Who knows ada non-muslims yg ternampak my action, and think “the muslims are not bad, actually.” I have met people who revert to Islam over the simplest of things, over the most basic act of kindness. And yes, it is really motivating to do good, be good. In Australia, I become a much better person. Ironinya, I am here kat non-muslim country.

Apa yang best kat Mesia? Apa yang menarik?

Family

-This is a biggie! Family is very important. All alone kat Aussie, and calling home only once a week…it takes its toll on you after awhile. That explains why I never missed out nak balik cuti summer. Not even the lure of making more money working in the farm can deter me.

-Family is your social support, your emotional support, your sense of identity, something to look forward to during weekends when you are not on-call. Analoginya seperti charger handset. I need to be recharged too and now I only get to do it once a year. Kalau aku kerja kt Mesia, I get to do it every weekend.

I admire my supervisor, Greg. He works hard the whole weekdays and then he would spend real quality times with his kids. Aku tak rasa kids need to see you everyday. Kalau jumpa everyday tapi tak bercakap, senyap sunyi, masing2 buat hal sendiri tak guna juga. Yang penting you spend times doing things that matter. Greg sangat pandai find the balance.

-Another important most crucial point; kalau anything happens kat your family members, you will be there. There will be no regrets or guilt! Tambah2 lagi skrang bila parents memang dah suruh balik…kalau aku refuse and should something happen, it would haunt me for the rest of my life! I could not live with that.

Familiarity

“Angah, mak tengok orang2 yang graduate from overseas ni mcm lembab jer buat kerja. Semua pun tak reti. Budak2 UKM cekap2 buat kerja kat ward. Budak overseas ni pandai bercakap, memang ada personality tapi kerja tak berapa,” My mom said. And she should know coz she’s a nurse.

Aku diam jer lah. Maybe betul. Apsal lak mak aku nak tipu kan? It doesn’t make sense. 

“Aku risau aih kalau hang balik tak cekap buat kerja. Nanti org dok mengata kt ward. Malu aku.” hahhaha. yes, my mom can be charming sometimes…in her own unique way.

“Tapi kalau hang tak reti time intern tak pa lagi. Jangan dah jadi MO pun tak reti2 lagi. Nanti lagi tension! Tension time intern tak pa lagi. Sebab tu memang waktu belajar. Tu pasal lah mak kata, mai buat intern kat Mesia. Hospital kt Kedah memang sibuk sepanjang masa. Banyak boleh belajar.”

Again, I listened respectfully. And I knew she was right. She’s got a point there.

I am absolutely sure aku nak kerja kat Mesia in the end. Aku memang tak nak stay kt OZ for good…this is not my home, this is not where I belong. However good the system is here, I would never be content until I get back home. So, internship lah the crucial time for you to learn about the system. Kalau dah aku memang nak practice kt Mesia, lebih baik aku wat intern kat mesia, no?

Unless kalau nak terus buat specialist, maybe patut stay kt OZ. Sebab alang2 nak buat specialist kt Aussie, ko lagi senang nak adapt kalau dah intern kat sini. Tapi kalau setakat nak duduk lagi dua tahun untuk buat intern atau pun semata2 nak dapat pengalaman kerja kat sini sekejap, baik buat kat mesia sebab ko nak kena blajar the system kat mesia.  Borang apa nak kena guna untuk ED, referral system macam mana, apa procedure? You have to familiarize yourself dengan benda2 ni.

Besides, 4th and 5th year nanti, you will definitely dapat pengalaman mcm mana kerja kt OZ because you’ll be in the hospital all the time.

I guess the bottom line is, kalau nak terus wat specialist, stay lah kt OZ. Tapi kalau setakat nak extend lagi 2 tahun semata2 nak dapat pengalaman kerja yg ko akan dapat anyway in 4th and 5th year, better buat intern kt Mesia because it’s the most crucial part in ur training of a totally different system.

Isu kahwin

-This is the most interesting topic kalau budak medic bersembang. (yes, even though we are nerds, we do talk about other non-medical stuff)Untuk org yg memang dah ada bf kt Mesia, diorang memang akan balik Mesia punyalah. Tak payah nak convince diorang pun tak per. “Aku nak balik kawen! muahaahha.”

-Tapi untuk org yg single? Many issues here:

1)Kalau diorang stay kt Aussie untuk buat specialist…when would they get married kalau balik Mesia pun dah 30 something? Kalau setakat nak kawen jer, no hal…but u have to find the calon first, kan? At 30 something, ur choices are very few. So, that one takes time. Lots of time! And our biological clock is ticking! Apa guna kawen tua2, kalau tak dapat anak? Baik tak payah kawen!

2)Kalau diorang stay kat Aussie, ada byk sgt ke Muslim guys around to be married to? And kalau ada parents yang  “Nak Melayu juga!” lagi susah! Tak pun parents yang, “Jangan gatal nak stay kt oversea, kena balik Mesia gak,” so that means u definitely kena kawen ngan org Mesia. Kalau kawen ngan mat salleh, nak heret balik Mesia, diorang nak kerja apa with communication problems and all?

3)And katakanlah you are the sort of person yang memang anti-bercouple. Nak family arrange jer…so once dah arrange, kawen terus. So doesn’t take lots of time nak ber-couple. (so now u can afford to do specialist kt OZ because ur wedding will be fast and efficient since you skip the ‘bercinta’ part) U still need to go back to Malaysia…barulah family boleh arrange dengan mana2 anak2 kawan diorang. Kalau ko kat oversea, and ‘anak kawan mama’ kt Malaysia, how is it going to work?

So in short, for single women, going back to Malaysia for internship is very advantageous! Kalau ko style nak bercouple, konon nak betul2 kenal, ko ada byk masa lagi nak mencari calon. By the time u grad, u are only 25…if u target to get married at 30, u have 5 years to know each other! Kalau ko style tak nak bercouple, keberadaan ko kt Mesia memudahkan family buat arrangement.

 

But having said that, everything is in God’s hands. Kalau ko balik Mesia pun, belum tentu ko kawen. Kalau ko stay OZ pun belum tentu ko tak kawen. That’s why my friend said “Lebih baik kita berusaha plan benda yang kita mampu buat…contoh plan nak buat specialist, plan untuk belajar. Daripada balik Mesia sebab nak cari jodoh, tengok2 tak dapat pun. Dahlah nak buat specialist kt Mesia lagi susah.  Sedangkan jodoh ni bukan di tangan kita. Manakala berusaha untuk dapat specialist pula is something that u can help urself achieveing.”

And I agreed with her, wholeheartedly. Aku rasa dalam nak mempertimbangkan samada nak stay OZ or not, isu kahwin patut tolak tepi dulu sebab benda ni is not in our hands.

Mudah

-In my case…I will be staying with my parents kalau aku kerja kt Kedah. That means, I dun have to cook, I dun have to wash, I dun have to do any house chores. (look, I am not being ‘anak dara malas’ here.And I am not being a bad daughter, suruh mak aku jer wat kerja. We have a maid and we pay for the service.Doesn’t make sense aku nak jadi ‘anak dara rajin’ when I don’t have to. I did help around the house when I was a teenager coz we did not have bibik for awhile at that time.)

Mak aku siap cakap lagi, “Kalau angah on-call, nanti mak boleh datang bawa makanan. Hospital dekat ja dengan rumah kita. Bila2 masa mak boleh mai hantar makanan.”

It looks like my mom is really warming up to the idea of me working kat General Hospital Kedah. Kalau angah tak dapat Kedah camner? Has she ever stopped to think about that? Tapi my parents memang optimistic. “Kalau minta Kedah mesti dapat punyalah. Sebab GH Kedah is one of the busiest hospital.”

They really want me to work in Kedah! Phew! Again, I dun exactly have a choice here. And again, sebelum ni, aku memang nak kerja kat Kedah. Tapi when I know choices are taken away from me and now I ABSOLUTELY kena kerja kat Kedah, it made me feel quite resentful.

Maybe I am rebellious, after all. It’a new discovery, that. Oh well, you learn new things about yourself everyday. Tapi at least, I am only rebellious in thoughts because right now I have made up my mind that I will work in Kedah, after all. In fact, I will do so right after I graduate, iA.

See, how obedient I am?

Filed under: Family Life, The life of med student and