Beautiful Life!

My two American housemates asked me…”Why did u choose Psychiatry for your HES placement? Isn’t it depressing?”

Depressing? Not really. What I feel is…pity. Yup, plain pity. I could not ever imagine trying to kill myself for anyone….and most teenagers here present with deliberate-self-harm due to relatioship problems. Yup… all I felt is pure, plain pity.

But when I saw this particular patient last week…what I felt for him was a deep admiration I have never felt for any other patient. He is, so far, my favourite patient.

It is a custom for doctors to see the patient’s file first, before they go down to see the patient. So when David (the nice Spanish doctor) handed me the file, it was with a sense of monotonous forbearance that I forced myself to take in all the patient details. Until I saw the column on his religious affiliations.

He was a Muslim.

The patient in bed 28 was a Muslim.

The patient I had recognized only with his bed number, now became my brother. And I suddenly could not wait to see him in person (nothing to do with the fact that he is not elderly at all and is only 28 years old, of course. huhuhu). 

I looked up from the file and craned my neck to peek at the patient in bed 28. He looked straight back at me…and what I saw was not a face of a 28 years old man, or a man in his prime. He looked, at the very least, 50 years old. (not that I am disappointed)

Luckily, dier bukan datang hospital because he was trying to kill himself, or because of drug-induced psychosis or alcohol-induced depression etc.  Kalau tak memang malulah aku ngan David. Sebab aku selalu cakap Muslim kat Malaysia tak pernah ada yg cuba bunuh diri. So, kalau this Muslim patient presented with deliberate-self-poisoning, memang aku akan malu habis ngan David.

 

 

This patient had a past medical Hx of pericarditis. Dier masuk hospital sebab chest pain that worsen with movements. Kadang2 dier rasa sgt sakit sampai dier menangis, tapi menangis make it worse. So, we gave him morphine untuk tahan sakit.

 

 

I could not help but wonder, why was the psychiatric team was asked to see this guy? Cardiology and psychiatry…are two different things.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And I don’t know how the conversation suddenly shifted to ‘Jin”. He said he experienced seeing someone being possessed by a Jin. And David looked even more incredulous. I remembered closing my eyes in resignation. Now, David would think this guy is loco.

 

 

And this guy is not loco, at all! I was quite proud of him. He has stopped drinking, he stopped taking Avanza because he is no longer depressed now that he is a Muslim. I was sort of hoping it would make David become more interested in Islam…because I know he likes talking about my culture…I was hoping he would be interested to become a Muslim. He looked interested enough. He always, always likes to talk to me about Islamic values and he never did that in a provoking manner.

 

 

But when this patient started talking about a 2000 years old Jin…my hope was crushed. David looked truly incredulous. He thought of this Muslim patient as no different than any other patients with psychotic delusions.

 

“So this 2000 years old Jin spoke to you? How do you know his age?” His questions, when they came, were laced with skepticism and pure, unadulterated sarcasm.

“He told us his age. He spoke through the man’s mouth (the man that the Jin possessed). That’s why the man’s voice then sounded different than usual. We videotaped the whole thing with 6 other men.”

 

 

And then he talked about moon-split (one of Prophet Muhammad’s miracle.) and how it has been validated by science in 1969. He said, “You can Google it. Then, maybe you too will convert,” He said it oh, soo… casually. Never had I witnessed a more casual way of asking someone to convert.

 

 

 

I bit my lower lip, trying to keep myself from smiling. The truth is, I was not sure how I was supposed to feel. I wanted to laugh because I found it funny…someone was trying to convert David but he could not retalliate because he was acting in the capacity of a doctor. David was most uncomfortable. He looked mortified. He glanced at me as I was biting the inside of my cheeks…it made me want to laugh even more, especially when he frowned.

At the same time, I felt uncomfortable myself, because I would be the one dealing with David after this painful/amusing encounter. I could only hope that the experience of having a Muslim trying to convert him would not cause him to act all funny on me. God, please no….I have a few more weeks to go. Being awkward with him is the last thing on my agenda.

 

 

Anyway, right after that encounter, David and I talked. A lot! I performed some damage-control conversation. I was trying to let David know that this Muslim patient was not like any other delusional, psychotic patients. This patient was talking of his experience in a religious context.

 

 

I was afraid of sounding ridiculous, but I felt I owed it to this Muslim guy. I could not let David diagnose him with psychotic disorder. So, I told David that inMalaysia

andIndonesia

, I myself have seen people being possessed. David looked truly awed, this time. He looked like he was trying to make up his mind…. whether or not I myself needed a psychiatric assessment. Hahahaha.

Feeling desperate, I tried humor.

 

“I have seen it, truly. So, if it is not real, then I must be mentally ill too.” I said, poker-faced.

 

David and another doctor laughed out loud when I said that. I felt relieved; if they could laugh about it, that meant they did not really think I was psychotic. But in a more serious tone, I explained to them that people have been videotaping it and turning it into a TV program even.

 

 

And then David commented on the fact that he found it amazing that some people would find religion and then they were cured. Shrugging my shoulder, trying to act cool and casual, I just said that “We need to believe in a higher power. Or else our life would just be about ourselves, it would be meaningless.”

 

 

Now, I know why I prefer David to Dean (Dean is more handsome, by the way) to go around with. David makes me feel comfortable. He is interested in my religion, in my culture, in my opinion. We talked a lot. We have the same sense of humour. When we are in silence, it wasn’t an awkward silence, but companionable ones. I quite like him (in a fatherly sort of way). And I wish with all my heart, that he would see the light. 

 

 

 

 

 

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