Beautiful Life!

There is one skill in the world, which if one possesses, one’s life would be made so much easier. It is a skill that gives one the edge in this fast-paced, chaotic world. A skill that, when used for completing much good, would yield results that are magnificent in its eficiency.

It’s the skill of multi-tasking.

I am very impressed with a medical student, who not only manage to have a good social life, but also happens to have a part-time job too. This medical student seems to have all the time in the world; surely some daily chores must also be completed, chores like cooking, washing, cleaning etc. On top of it all, their social net-working is ever-expanding; they still have time to talk and keep in touch with their old friends as well as making new ones. And do not forget studying! That must take quite a lot of time too.

In short, I have known a medical student who’s been juggling all these tasks and has done it wonderfully well for each single thing. I can’t help but feel a little bit jealous.

I have gotten my result yesterday and thank God, I passed. That means I am half way through medicine…another two years and a half to go. And that just got me thinking, now that I am halfway through medicine, what have I accomplished throughout this span of time? What personal achievements have I got to feel proud about? I mean, other than passing the exams which every medical students seem to be doing anyway, what else is my life about?

Mid-life crisis

You know how some people when they hit 40, they started changing, becoming like ‘mutton dressed in lamb’, or wanting to buy a Harley Davidson, a younger haircut etc etc. And they call this phenomena as mid-life crisis.

I guess being halfway through this course is the medical version of midlife crisis for me. So, what brought this about?

Well, one day my housemate and I went to the Baskin Robbins at Waratah Village. The elderly gentleman behind the counter greeted us warmly and asked us if we were Malaysians. I guess, he was used to having Malaysians (especially medical students) walking into his little shop. We’re all ice-cream lovers, after all. And then he started talking about why we chose to study medicine here in newcastle.  Well that was all very well since I have memorized the answer for years now. All his next questions were not exactly rocket-science.

And then he started saying that a lot of Asian medical students like to study at Uni of Sydney because it has more prestigue. And he also said that Asian parents like to force and pressure their kids to do well especially if their kids are taking medicine.

I shook my head firmly and said “My parents never force nor pressure me. Once I get into uni, I pretty much can do whatever I want. As long as I maintain and fulfill their basic expectation of what a good daughter should be, then I am free to do whatever I like.”

That bit is true.

It’s just that sometimes being free to do whatever I like  as a medical student is paradoxical. Because if you are a medical student, you don’t have the time to be free. Well, at least not a much as you want.

My mid-life crisis consists of repeatedly thinking that by being a medical student, I have put on hold some aspects of my life that I used to like doing so much. I have lost contact of some of my friends. Sometimes I feel guilty whenever it was them who took all  the effort to keep in touch with me. I tried to visit them at friendster and leave some comments…and that’s about it.

It was not enough.

I have received a lot of off-line messages at ym. I wanted to rue “Why did I sleep when they were online. Orelse I would have had the opportunity to catch up.”

What if one day all my friends are gone because they are bored with me? Like, maybe I took them for granted?

And with family…I make a habit of calling once a week during weekends. But sometimes, I have got nothing to say, zilch to report, absolutely zero to gush about. Would they want to hear about the anatomy and physiology of the skin? Sure, to me learning medicine is exciting, but it’s not exactly a topic for a good phone conversation. Like come on, the only thing I know to talk about is medicine? Sure, I tried to keep abreast of the news as well, but yeah…that’s about it.

I have lost the interest to gossip. I have lost the interest to keep up-to-date with new songs or films. But I comfort myself into thinking that “well, those are useless activities, anyway.”  I have never loved cooking but at least when I was in first year I cooked daily. Now, I cooked once a week.  At the back of my mind, I felt that I may have become quite dull. Ten years ago, I have many hobbies! Now the only hobby I retain (and also infrequently) is reading novels. And who would want to talk about novels in a phone conversation? Have I become a nerd? If I don’t read medical books, I read novels. I guess, I am a nerd.

So, usually I would just listen to their stories and comment on their ever-changing exciting life.

Don’t get me wrong. I love what I do. To me, it was exciting. But the excitement is only to me, not shared in a conversation with family members and friends. Because I do not think they would be able to relate to me.

I may never have any other achievements. I am not a president of any club, I am not a social flower in a party, me and silence has become synonymous but even that is okay to me. If no one bothers to tell me of any gossips, I may never know what the hell is happening in the social life of newcastle people. But even that ceases to be important.

My achievements when they came, are small in amplitude. Maybe a good joke shared with a patient, a poetry read to me by an elderly female patient, a faint praise by a doctor even though it only consists of a nod of his head and a firm “Good.”, the ability to differentiate between pan-systolic murmur and systolic ejection murmur…things like that make me smile all day.

I have resolved my mid-life crisis in an hour. My solution consists of rearranging the way I view things:

-I like small achievements. I’d rather have small achievements continuously than one big achievement to last me a life time.

-I would try to keep in touch with all my friends monthly. Like, every first day of the month or something like that. That should fix the guilt. Calling your family once a week, and calling your friends once a month. A fixed schedule like that make your life run much smoother.

-Yes, I have become a dull person. But hey, no matter how dull I have become my family have no choice but to love me anyway. Just like I have no choice but to put up with some of their hair-wringing, neck-throttling exasperating habits. That’s what family does, okay. They accept each other. No choice in that!

Mid life crisis is not fun! I am glad it’s over. I guess that’s what happen in a mid-life crisis. You dwell on things you wish to do and then you forget that there are many things that you actually like about your current situation. Like I would not trade being a medical student just to have a more bubbly, vivacious, worldy personality in a social gathering. I would not trade being a medical student for all the new songs and films that I have missed. Because I do not miss them all that much anyway. Those things were done when I was a teenager; a teenager with too much time than she knew what to do. So naturally, that teenager occupied her time with as much interests as possible. But now, that teenager is a young adult with responsibilities. So, naturally, responsibilities precede interests in priority.

I accept change, and I move on.

Welcome to the killer semester two of third year! (groan and grunts). I may not be seen for a long time.  And when I do emerge from my cave, you may not recognize me.

Filed under: Family Life, The life of med student and