Beautiful Life!

Lepas aku dah kasi surat tu kat Jane, berlaku perperangan yg besar dalam rumah tu. Dah berhari2 bermasam muka….so tension!

tu.

 

Kenapalah aku tak boleh nak sabar? Apa salahnya pakai tudung all the time pun? Kalau kat Gosford aku boleh buat, kenapa kat sini tak boleh buat? I guess, I was in such a bad mood juga hari tu. Aku baru balik tutorial, aku penat sangat! Aku masak kat dapur, tiba2 si Collin tu keluar. Kantoi lagi. Aku penat! Aku geram dan bengang! All factors contribute to my temper, causing me to snap!

aku, diorang tuduh aku sexist! Diorang cakap aku discriminate si Collin on the basis of gender. Siap cakap nak saman aku plak tu. Gila betul!

 

“What you said in the letter shows how sexist you are. That’s discriminating. I could sue you for that!” Tu ayat si Kelly.

Jane pulak cakap “If you can accept Monica coming here, why can’t you accept Collin? It’s because he is a male, isn’t it? Do you know how hard it is for me to bring my male friends around? It’s been soooo hard for me!”

I tried to reason with them, “I don’t mind you guys wanna bring your friends around. But everyday? It’s an imposition!”

kt head of college, Luce Andrews. Below is the letter:

 

I am (my name), a 3rd year medical student, living in the unit Convocation A, room 2.

I have been living in Edwards Hall for three years. I choose to live here because this is a very conducive place to study. The reason I specifically want to live in self-catered is because it has more privacy compared to the main hall which is associated with lively parties and college life.

I have had a disagreement with one of my housemate because I feel that she did not respect me as someone who lives with her in the same unit.

I just would like to confirm about my rights as a paying resident in the unit Convocation A. Can anyone from other units just pop in whenever he likes just because his girlfriend is in the same unit as I? I thought that it would be common courtesy that  we should not impose the presence of our guest on the other housemates? I did not expect much.

To me, a guest should not be at my unit for most of the time and should not be able to come and go into my unit as he wishes without at least consulting with other housemates. Being here every once in a while for a visit is one thing. But to be here most of the time, just because his girlfriend is here, is really imposing on my privacy in my own house.

 

Kelly’s argument is “This is my home too and if I want my boyfriend to be here anytime I want, I could. If we want to use the lounge room, we would and if we want to use the kitchen we would do so. I don’t need to ask for your permission.”

Granted, that her boyfriend (Collin) is also a resident in the Convo C. But the fact that we have units must mean something. Someone from other units can’t just pop in whenever he likes without having any regards to the comfort of other residents living in the unit.

To me, Collin is a guest in our unit. Reading the College Life Guidelines 2008, it states clearly under the headings “Guest and visitors” that :

“Guests shall not make use of equipment and facilities within the halls of residence except in the company and at the express invitation of a resident and only if no resident is inconvenienced by such use.”

I have even heard them shower together, more than once. I think, that is highly inappropriate. What is inappropriate in your parents’ house must also be inappropriate to

be done in a house that you share with others.

But to this, she said that “This is my house and I can do whatever I like.” But this is my house too, and I can do whatever I like but at the same time, I would try to respect my other housemates.

I too have had friends coming over but I certainly make sure that I have told them in advance, just in case the presence of my friends would be inconvenient for them. I thought, this is common courtesy that you would give to your housemates.

and I have to accept it.” Please find attached a letter that I have written to my housemate, Jane, as a reply.

 

I do have Australian friends. Not all of them prefer to have their friend’s boyfriend in the house everyday. This is surely imposing. This is not just a matter of cultural differences but also my rights to privacy.

I admit that in the letter that I have given to Jane, there are some points that are inappropriate. Jane and Kelly choose to interpret what I said as being discriminating and sexist to Collin. I guess, my english is not adequate to express what I really wanted to say.

And there was one incident when we found the back door was left open until very late at night. I was guessing, Kelly left the back door open for Collin (who lives in Convo C) to come. It was during the last semester break. And also it has happened various times recently too. I can’t help but feel anxious about the security of the house.

, I should embrace the culture and just adapt. I can adapt, but not to the extent that I have to compromise religion. To what extent should I adapt?

Even if it means hearing them shower together?

Where is the limit? I feel very discriminated.

Yours sincerely,

(my name)

 

ni, Jane and Kelly pun pergi buat report juga nak meng’counter’ report aku. Lepas tu, semua orang pergi jumpa Luce sorang2 and argue our points. Basically, ni lah yg aku cakap kt Luce in my second email:

 

Thanks for your prompt response to the current situation. I will be free for tomorrow morning anytime before 12 if you want to meet up. From 12 onwards I have got full classes.

There are a few points I would like to clarify:

1)I was not objecting Collin’s presence in the house on the basis of his gender.

Jane and Kelly chose to interpret me as being sexist and discriminating. Kelly said she could sue me for that!!

I would love to see her try to prove that I am sexist in court.  And the proof must be beyond reasonable doubt too. As a medical student, I deal with male patient frequently. My palliative care patient is a male. My partner who I work with for my palliative care patient is also an Australian male. None of the males I have come into contact with has ever accused me of being sexist. I have male friends who I have invited for dinner and Jane has seen three of them.

I just did not invite them everyday.

So, just how am I being sexist?

2)I was objecting Collin’s presence on the basis of frequency.

I thought I have made it quite clear in the letter that it was not his gender that I object to. Learning biology and physiology certainly give me enough knowledge to know that one can’t help one’s gender. It is the frequency of his coming that disrupted my daily activities that I object to.

 

I still remember when Jane’s friend, Mark (or was it Matt, the one she cooked lasagna for) came over for the whole afternoon. I liked him a lot. We got on really well. Unfortunately I have not seen him around since.

But if I see him a second time, I would have greeted him just as warmly. If he comes a third time, I would still be happy to have him around the house.

But if he comes everyday?

It doesn’t take a great stretch of imagination to visualize how one would be quite annoyed with such phenomena.

But instead of seeing my point as it is intended to be, they choose to take bits and pieces of my letter and interpreted what I said into a sexist issue. I have stated quite clearly it was an issue of respect. Why do they want to manipulate my sentences out of context? In any argument, context is very important.

3) Admitting my own misconduct
Jane told me that I should not be double standard in saying that ‘guest should not be allowed to use facilities of the unit without asking permission of the other resident’ when I have allowed my friend to use the laundry twice.

To this, I did not even attempt to deny. I admitted right away to Jane that what I did was wrong and unethical. I would not try to justify the unjustifiable but I just would like to clarify the matter.

My friend came over because it had been raining for days and her clothes could not dry. I felt obliged to help her as I thought it was a one off thing. She only used the dryer and not the washing machine. I did feel uneasy about it, though. After she came over a second time (because it was still raining) I told her her quite frankly that it would be the last time I would be able to help her as it was unethical for me to let her use the dryer. For every subsequent visits she has ever paid me, it was never for the dryer again.

Hospital

. I did not use my share of the laundry for the whole duration. I hope that more than makes up for my having allowed my friend to use the dryer twice. But I admit, I would never be able to justify it.

 

However, Kelly has never admitted the inappropriateness of having a shower with her boyfriend twice (as far as I know) in a house she shared with others. I have asked my Australian friend if that is a cultural thing. She said, it’s not.

is her country and I have to accept the culture.

 

4) Jane and her friends
This is to illustrate further how the problem is not someone’s gender.

Jane has had lots of male friends coming over. But at least, she has the decency to limit the occasion to once or twice a week. And they are not all the same people.

They are trying to make me out as someone who can’t tolerate Australian culture but I think that is really unfair.

As a medical student, the show I have wanted to watch most is House, a medical drama (that is on Wednesday at 8.30). But since Wednesday is the day uni students usually hang out in the bar (something to do with cheap drinks, I think) Jane and her friends would hang out in the lounge room before going out to the bar. It was so noisy I could not hear a thing. At last, I gave up and did not watch the drama anymore.

But I tolerated that, thinking that this is their culture and it is a once in a week thing. And besides, for the last half of the semester I was away for my practical at Gosford. So, I comforted myself into thinking that I would be able to watch House at Gosford later on. And it was not like they came everyday.

Besides, I respected the fact that Jane occupied the downstairs room. I still remember how you have mentioned that for those who are more social, they should occupy the room downstairs so that they won’t bother the other housemates.

So frankly, I have had no problem with Jane and any of her friends. It was Kelly’s boyfriend who came everyday that I have concerns about.

4) Jane said about how awkward she felt when S (she is our ex-housemate who is now away for her practical at Taree) snickered at her and her friends. She said it was rude and she felt so awkward that she finally gave up bringing her male friends over. Instead, she was the one who would go to visit her friends. Basically, it was such a huge sacrifice on her part.

- Well, the last time I saw her with a male friend inside the house was a few days ago (it was before our argument), still within this week. So, I could not see what she meant by having given up bringing her male friends into the house.

-I have never shown any outward antagonism towards any of her friends, males or females. When I asked her if she has ever seen me behaved rudely towards her friend, she could not name one occasion when I had behaved as such. But she did mention that S (our ex-housemate who is also a Muslim) had made it so hard for her to bring her male friends around.  Since S is no longer around, what purpose would be served to bring her up now?

-Besides I am not S. S and I are not one soul with two separate bodies. We are not twins, we are not even siblings. In fact, we are not even distantly related. What she did is her own doing. And Jane should have talked that out with S. Little good it would do to bring that up now.

-To Collin, I would admit that I had given him a rude stare. It was only once. It was the night we had the disagreement which was two days ago. And that’s about it.

I apologize for subjecting you to such a long e-mail. I just would like to get everything out of my head before I start studying. It makes me feel a lot better.

Many many thanks,

(my name)

Luce punya decision adalah: dier tak menangkan sesiapa. Dier suruh kitorang sama2 compromise. Dier cakap nanti dier nak organize meeting supaya kami semua sit together and talk about house rules.

 

Tapi aku dah tawar hati nak duduk kat sini. Jane pun dah nak pindah masuk ke main hall. Aku dengan dayah pun nak pindah masuk Barahineban…more privacy and takkan ada problem lagi. Biarlah Kelly sorang2 kat rumah ni. Buatlah apa yg dier nak! Nak bawa boyfriend dier tido hari2 pun dier punya pasallah! Aku malas dah nak layan!

 

Aku penat! Aku dah berhari2 tak study. Tadi waktu tutorial, aku rasa mcm bodoh sgt! Like I dun know anything sebab aku tak leh nak concentrate study! Biasalah…kalau bergaduh dengan orang, mana nak rasa tenang. Mcm mana nak study?

 

Aku dengan Jane dah baik balik. Tapi dia pun nak pindah sebab dia rasa rumah ni takkan sama mcm dulu lagi. This is what she said to me, “Our friendship will never be the same again.”

 

Aku pun rasa mcm tu.Walaupun kitorang dah baik, this bitter memory will always be between us.

 

Lagipun since Jane nak pindah, lagilah aku tak sanggup nak duduk kat sini menghadap muka Kelly. So, aku decide nak keluar from this house and move to another building yg lebih privacy. But it would still be on campus.

 

I haven’t told my parents about all these. Aku rasa mesti mak aku akan cakap, “Kak ngah duduk negara orang, jgn lah cari masalah dengan orang.”

 

I guess so. Maybe kalau aku sabar sikit, aku akan lebih tenang. Aku ingat aku dah jadi org yg lebih penyabar.

 

I guess, I have not mastered the art of being calm and collected.

 

Aku ingat aku dah tak emotional. Sebelum argument ni terjadi, aku betul2 rasa aku seorang yang matang dan takkan bertindak melulu mcm waktu kecik2 dulu.

 

Nampaknya, aku tersilap. There still exists a trace of immaturity and impulsiveness in me.

 

But I guess, this whole incident has made me grow up even further! Lepas ni, aku dah tak nak bergaduh dah! Bersabar tu lagi baik. Lagipun, apalah yg susah sgt nak pakai tudung dalam rumah? Buat jerlah! Sepatutnya, aku tunjukkan kat diorang bahawa pakai tudung ni tak susah mana pun.

 

nak respect housemate2 lain. Tak logik lah nak bawa boyfriend balik hari-hari.

Lainlah kalau ni rumah ko sorang! Takkan tu pun tak leh pikir.

 

In the future, I will remind myself supaya jangan cari masalah. Macam mana bengang pun, kena juga sabar! Sebab in the long run, it would be better. Disebabkan aku tak sabarlah, aku tak tenang nak study, aku dah behind in my studies compared to others. Aku terpaksa tinggalkan dulu opthalmology and skrang kena focus on diabetes pulak.

 

This will be the longest 3 weeks of my life. Aku tak sabar nak tinggalkan Kelly and Collin for good! Aku tak sabar nak pindah! Aku dah tak tahan!!

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