Beautiful Life!

Warning: This a whiny, emotional post. Do not proceed if you can’t handle it. Any health hazard acquired is your own responsibility.

 

My exam is in one month! That may sounds like a lot of time….but not when you have 15 really thick files to go through.

 

When exam is near, I tend to shut myself against the world. Sometimes, I forget to call home, sometimes I decide not to go home and just stay in the library, and most of the time I just don’t care whatever happens in  the world.

 

I can now relate to those scientists whose lives are the whole lab! It may look like the scientists do not have a life, but to those scientists, the lab is their lives! It’s not a problem to them! It’s only a problem to their family members who may never see or hear from them for days sometimes weeks.

 

“orang lain pun exam juga….kerja juga. Tapi ada jer masa untuk orang lain.”

 

Well, I am different. Once I get into the mood of working, I will really work. And once I get into the mood of having fun, I stop all work! It’s all or nothing with me. I can’t go kejap like this, and then kejap lagi like that…I don’t like to adjust and readjust myself multiple times! That’s annoying to me! Some people just don’t understand that!

 

I wish when exam is near, things will stop happening! I don’t want to have to worry about anything else. If there are things that worry me, I want them settled as soon as possible and then I could go back to my study.

 

But things don’t stop happening just because you are having exams. Some of those things that happen are most disturbing. And suddenly, thank God, you recognize your ability to just focus and shut the whole world out! The ability to dissociate yourself from the kicks and pucnhes of life. The ability to experience pain and then force the sensation out of your mind in order to ponder about cataracts, AMD, retinal detachment. About psoriasis, eczema and skin cancer. About end stage renal failure, about diabetes and hundreds other diseases. About the many type of drugs for many different diseases.

 

Looking at the amount of things I have to study, is it a wonder if I hate changes in my life?

 

It’s a learned behaviour.  To be able to just focus on studying and not think about other people in your life…it’s a learned behaviour. It’s not natural. It came with a price. It may be a price of my sense of responsibility sometimes. I may be having an internal battle with my ego over what I feel I need to do but I could not do it just because…

 

Understand that I don’t have time for lengthy discussion regarding anything. I saw a problem, I find the most effective way to settle it in a timely manner and I want it executed right there and then. But if the people in my life find it a burdensome attitude, then I guess, I will go to my library (just like some scientists find solace in the lab).

 

The world has not stop revolving just because you are having exams.

 

I just hope it does.

Filed under: The life of med student and