Beautiful Life!

Warning: The writer exaggerates a lot of the sensation! But if you use your common sense, you will get the gist of what she really means!

Do you know that most unpleasant sensation that grips your gut when you know, you absolutely know, that you are about to fall, and there is nothing you can do to break that fall? No walls to hold on to, and no one’s around to catch you, nothing to hang on to. Imagine the adrenaline-pumping, heart-beating moments of that few seconds (of your conviction that you are about to fall) stretched long for 3 weeks (when you are waiting for your exam result).

Imagine that and you have Nor Afiza Azmee at her crankiest, grumpiest moment.

In the past 3 weeks, I cannot say that I have been such bundle of nerves that I have not been able to sleep, or eat or shower properly. Everyone who knew me would scoff at the thought of “Afiza tak leh tido and makan sebab nervous? You must be kidding”. Yes, I eat and sleep very well…and as for  showering, Dayah knew I shower for half an hour at one time.

However when I am nervous, though it does not affect my appetite and my sleep pattern, it affects me in a lot of other ways.

-I found myself to stop laughing at the middle of my laughter just because the thought of exam flashed through my mind. Just one nano-second of flashing thought - that’s all it takes - and my amusement, my laughter, my gaiety are quelled, vanquished into dust. If I were prone to asthmatic, I would be coughing, wheezing and gasping for air!

- I have become very, very cranky. The “Kak Ngah ni singa!” joke run rampant in the house. It’s my most ardent wish to remind them that “Kak Ngah yg singa ni lah yg duk bawa balik hadiah2 kat hangpa mcm Santa Claus tiap2 tahun, just remember that before you utter another sentence containing ‘Angah’ and ’singa’ in one single breath”.

-I have had some disagreement with my parents (though I don’t think that has anything to do with my nerves). I usually only have it with one parent. I blame this whole development on my unsettled thoughts for fear of exam.

- I based my future plans on my exam result. I have told Suhaila, “There is no way I can plan the KL trip now. Kalau exam result aku tak elok, aku takkkan ada mood nak pi kenduri Mary ke, nak jalan2 kt SIngapore ke etc. So, apa kata kita tunggu result aku keluar dulu, and then baru kita plan.” And I put all my plans on hold until after I have gotten the result. The uncertainty sometimes made me so frustrated I felt like giving up. 

But sometimes miracles do happen. In the span of that few seconds before you are about to fall, suddenly you regain your balance. Or maybe, a knight in shining armour just happens to pass by and rescue you, the damsel in distress. Or maybe your fall is cushioned  by water-filled swimming pool.

It does not matter what has happened to save you from the dire fate of falling because by then, you are just thankful, smiling and happy.

And all left to say is, Alhamdulillah.

Filed under: The life of med student and