Beautiful Life!

I have finished reading three novels in a row. Eventhough reading ( only anything non-academic) is my passion, but too much of a good thing sometimes can be a bit exhausting and boring.

 

My brain demanded that I should do something more intellectual with my time. This is my brain way of saying, “Aku dah berkarat asyik baca novels! Read something else, pls!” 

 

So when I don’t read novels, I try my damnedest hard to read something intellectual off the internet. To meet that goal, I usually visited 3 blogs:

• CheDet.com (I adore his intelligence and his cynical manner of writing. Some of his witty sarcasms are quite amusing) 
• Blog Dr. Asri (bekas mufti Perlis). I think of him as someone who is honest and good, and most importantly non-partisan.
• Blog Ustaz Hasrizal. I think he is just brilliant at writing. Not many people can combine facts and narrative as splendidly as he did that none of his articles are boring.

It does not mean that I agree with everything I read. It just means that at least I read something else other than medicine, fiction novels and newspapers. And it causes me to have something stimulating to think about.

 

One article from saifulislam.com has succeeded to command my attention completely. It was titled ‘cinta songsang semakin songsang’. It discussed homosexuality in a manner that is not accusatory but rather in a compassionate manner. Very rare do we hear religious icons discuss this controversial topic in this way.

 

I mean, think about it! If anyone could choose, why would they choose to be homosexual? But does that mean it is not a choice? That it is something you are born with? So, how is it fair that we are condemning someone base on something that he/she could not control.  

 

But here’s a thought. I really think that things like these can be controlled. This is only my opinion…I am not saying my interpretation is accurate. To me, everyone has their own destiny and set of trials in life. We are all born with our own trials to overcome until we die and meet our Maker. Sesetengah orang dilahirkan miskin dari lahir sampai mati…tapi untuk memenuhi fitrah manusia yang cintakan kebendaan, dia still tak boleh mencuri. Sesetengah orang ditakdirkan tidak berjodoh sampai bila2, tapi tak bermaksud dia boleh berzina or masturbate.

 

Sesetengah orang ditakdirkan menerima ujian tertarik kepada kaum sejantina, but that does not mean you can be gay! 

 

After all said and done, we are only going to live in this world give and take 70 years. And if we succeed to overcome these set of trials that have been written in our destiny, then we are going to be fine,iA.

 

Kemiskinan vs Ke’gay’ an…how can we measure which one is worse? So org2 yg gay ni tak payahlah dok cakap how hard their lives is when society does not accept them as a person. Just as society does not accept thieves even if they are poor, society also does not accept gays just because they are born with a different sexual inclination. We all should know that we are faced with a certain trial in life and we have to go through life passing them.  

 

Think about those who are born handicapped? Their imperfection terang dan nyata. Their lives must be harder. Everytime they look in the mirror, they will be reminded of their inadequacies, everytime they interact with others they have to deal with lack of self-esteem and self-confidence.

 

Semua orang ada kesusahan masing2…bezanya samada orang nak menurut hati atau mengikut petimbangan akal fikiran yang sihat (which can only be achieved when you follow your religion.)

 

This topic also reminds me about that hot issue that my tutorial disccussed during the sexual week. I was the only one in my tutorials who openly said that “My religion does not accept homosexuality.” Orang lain ada juga cakap berlapik2 sikit. Well, in retrospect, maybe I should soften my opinion a bit…maybe aku patut cakap in a different way or something. 

 

But I lack the kind of charming social skills that a lot of people are born with.

 

I told Dr. Outram in the tutorial, “Just because I am a Muslim, it does not mean that I am going to treat my homosexual patient less optimally. It does not mean I am going to yell at them or treat them badly. But I cannot lie when I am asked about it. I just cannot lie about it.” Aku malaslah nak terangkan bahawa sebagai Muslim aku tak boleh nak menghalalkan apa yang haram sebab tu jatuh kafir. I mean, they would not understand pun. 

 

“So, let’s say I am your patient now and I ask you this question: Doctor, what do you think about homosexuality?” Dr. Outram challenged me in front of all my tutmates.

 

I shrugged and said, ”well, as a Muslim, I believe that homosexuality is a sin.” Waktu tu, aku tak boleh nak fikir, macam mana aku nak jawab tanpa menyebut perkataan ‘dosa’ or something along those lines. I mean, aku tak derlah baik sgt nak berceramah kt org. Tapi bila org minta opinion aku (and I always have lots of strong opinions) I tend to give it. Aku tak boleh nak fikir mcm mana nak bagi opinion tentang isu yg kontroversi begini but still sound diplomatic.

 

“Ok, now I will ask J (my tutmate). Dr J, what do you think about homosexuality?” Dr. Sue Outram asked him the same question she had asked me. I knew she wanted to see how does my answer compare with J.  

 

J smiled confidently and said in his Australian drawl, “I think that homosexuality is very common in Australia nowadays,”

 

Ohhhh! Waktu tu baru aku tahu that there is this tactic called ‘diversion’ that we can use in a conversation. Instead of really answering the question, we just answer it in a different way. It’s tricky, really. You don’t have to lie, but you also do not need to answer the truth.

 

Another example; “Doctor, I need an abortion. What do you think about abortion, doctor?” Of course, what the patient is asking is: do you think badly of me if I want to abort this baby?

My answer would be: I think that an abortion is just a method of running away from the problem rather than facing it responsibly. I would strongly suggest you reconsider other possible options available in this kind of situation.

J’s dipomatic answer would be: I think that abortion is a choice that many people have made for the past ten years. Statistics have shown that some of these procedures can be quite life-threatening but there is a much greater percentage of  safe outcomes when this is done in a clinic that is fully-equipped to deal with such cases.

 

J plays safe. He did not give his opinion. He just talked about general facts; oh, homosexuality is acceptable in society nowadays. oh, abortion has become a choice for a lot of people. Rather than giving an opinion, he was giving an observation.

 

Hari itu, aku belajar something new. How to not lie and still sound diplomatic. It’a a useful skill, but it’s something that I will never be able to do naturally.

 

 Slowly I am beginning to distrust charming people who say the kindest of words. Because it may not be what they really feel. People can say what’s not really in their heart, and they can pass that off as:

1) I was being diplomatic, like any civilized and good person would.

2) I was just joking. Did you think I was serious?

3) It is just a white lie

 

J is number 1 kind. I knew him very well. He is charming, he is flirtatious, he says all the right words….but do I trust him? No way! He is the kind of guy who would stand up in the cafeteria table when I stand up and would only sit down when I sit down, and would offer to carry your books for you, but it’s just something that he does to be charming and diplomatic. His manner would impress you but his sincerity is questionable.

 

I rather like D, the Singapore-born Australian Chinese, who showed me exactly what he thought about my comments regarding homosexuality but at least he was honest! Of course, when he first opened his mouth, I thought he was being sarcastic with me. I thought that he was saying I was not tolerant.

 

But on the way to one of our clinics, D told me that he understood what I meant when I said ‘I can’t lie about what I feel regarding homosexuality’. I made him understand that I was not being intolerant, I was just being truthful.

 

“Yes, I know exactly what you mean. As a doctor, we tend to tailor our treatment options based on our belief system. I mean, I myself will not be able to deal with patients who ask me to help him be gay. I will just refer him to a counsellor or something.”

At that moment, I knew D was not gay ( I had thought he was gay when he sounded so annoyed with my ‘intolerance’ in the sexual tutorial). 

 

Dr. Sue Outram once was so annoyed with me that she asked, “I know your religion says that homosexuality is not acceptable but as a future doctor, can you believe that gays are just like us? That they are not more likely to get AIDS than the rest of us? That they are just normal people too?”

 

I was stumped. Kalau aku cakap, I disagree….lagilah org cakap aku tak tolerant. Tapi takkan aku nak agree pula because I really didn’t. Aku just terdiam…and it really hurts my pride. I hate not being able to give a reply!

 

Dr. Outram sambung lagi, “You know, I knew this Iranian woman who is also a sexual counsellor. She was asked by a guy, what do you think about masturbation? And her answer was, scientifically there is no evidence that masturbation is harmful. And then the guy asked her, but why is it prohibited in the religion? To that question she gave a very good reply: I am a scientist and I give my point of view as a scientist. You should ask that question to your religious leader for an answer.”

 

Semua org rasa jawapan tu hebat. AKu jer rasa jawapan tu dahsyat! I wonder, is the Iranian woman a Muslim? Dr. Outram noticed my silence, so aku terpaksa juga cakap…

“I can’t give that kind of answer.” Aku cakap jer. Tapi aku mcm tak tahu kenapa aku rasa that kind of answer is bad. But I just knew mcm pelik. Mcm mana kita boleh tergamak nak cakap…oh jawapan aku sebagai doctor is A, tapi jawapan aku sebagai muslim is B. Mcm mana tu?

 

However, at that time, aku tak tahu mcm mana nak bagi tutmate aku faham that any sincere Muslim (or a sincere Christian, or even a sincere Jew) takkan bagi jawapan mcm budak Iran tu. Since aku tak der idea mcm mana nak cakap kat diorang I just said, “I can’t separate who I am as a Muslim and who I am as a doctor. I am a Muslim doctor. It comes in a package.”

Dr. Outram mengeluh (hahhahah, mesti rasa aku ni a pain in the ass) and then she said, “Well, we are teaching you the Australian way of dealing with this subject. We are a secular society (she actually use the word secular) and this is how we approach the issue when there’s a clash between religious values and science.”

 

When she said that, baru aku faham apa yg salah dgn jawapan budak Iran tu. Before this, I only knew that I could never give that kind of answer. But I did not know why. But after having heard Sue Outram’s words, I knew exactly why the Iranian’s answer is wrong, something that no average sincere Muslim would say.

 

It is because what the Iranian was saying implies that there’s a clash between science and religion. As a Muslim, we believe that there’s no clash. That science supports religion. No sincere Muslim would say, “Oh, this is my answer as a doctor. If you want my answer as a Muslim, wait until 5 o’clock when I no longer have the stethoscope around my neck!” Mana boleh cakap mcm tu! Maybe J can…but I am not J.

 

So, still controlling my excited feelings, I told my tutorial group that, “It depends on how you look at it. The Iranian said that there is no medical evidence saying that masturbation is harmful. But the religion may not be concerned about medical evidence. There could be a psychological harm instead of a medical harm. For example, there are evidence that showed that when you masturbate, you will feel less pleasure when you have sex with your partner becasue you have associated sexual pleasure with your sex toys. They have developed positive association between pleasure and masturbation that the normal sexual encounter would not be as pleasurable anymore.” 

 

Tutmates aku semua terdiam. Maybe diorang tak sangka I can talk about such things so forthrightly (they thought I was an innocent who does not know anything and would only blush and stammer when talking about sexual issues.) Dr. Sue Outram pula kalih subjek lain lepas tu. Me? I felt a sense of triumph! J looked at me (in his usual charming way that I distrust) “Remind me never to argue with you.”

 

It’s dodgy, really! It’s dodgy the way people just pick and choose what medical evidence they want to blurt out as long as it supports their own opinion.

 

Contohnya: Org yg pro-homosexuality would quote facts saying that “Some research has shown that certain chemicals are present during the fetal development causing the brain to wire itself to be more inclined to homosexuality.” They will talk about some obscure research saying that homosexuality is natural.

Tapi org yg against homosexuality would quote facts regarding anatomy, physiology, biochemistry and reproductive function!

 

If we want to talk about facts and evidence, there are soooooo many of them in the medical journals that we would not be able to keep track of all of them! There are actually medical evidence to support two opposite views! But when people are promoting a certain opinion, they only choose the ‘facts’ or the ‘evidences’ that support their own inclination!

And look at creation and evolution! Both views are backed up with scientific evidences even though they are two very opposite views! Tapi org yg percaya Tuhan, akan quote facts yg back up ketuhanan. Org yg atheist, akan quote facts yg lain pula. But both claim they are scientific!

 

So, sebenarnya lecturers and doctors tak lah berbeza sgt dgn ahli politik! As long as the facts are in their favours, they would present it scientifically and ignore other scientific facts that are opposite to theirs.

 

Bias is everywhere. We must always be on our guard!

 

So the conclusion is, we can acually manipulate science and medical evidence as long as we read a lot and we know where to look. So, really, it does not matter what science says because most of the time, people will just go ahead and do whatever they want anyway. Sure, it sounds nice when we give scientific evidence to convince ppl that they should revert to Islam…but did you know that Christianity also has their own scientific evidence? So, aku dah tak teruja dgn science in terms of its ability to convince ppl to do what’s right. Most of the time, ppl only follow science when it suits their own purpose.  Lagipun, cuba kita buat kajian, berapa ramai org peluk Islam sebab science rather than sebab kahwin? Science appeals to the mind, but ‘kahwin’ appeals to the heart. Who will win? The mind or the heart?

 

Ustaz Hasrizal says something along this line: “Bukan untuk memberi tahu, tetapi ingin mencetus mahu.”

 

That’s why in a war between the heart and the mind, the heart usually always wins even though the mind calls for the truths.

 

Therefore, I have started my own philosophical quote, “Don’t listen to your heart. Listen to your mind and pray that your mind is guided to the right path.”

Filed under: The life of med student and