Beautiful Life!

Warning: Not for anyone under 21
It is with great pleasure for me to declare that by the end of this week, I will be a doctor who is fully qualified to counsel my patients regarding their sexual life.

Shocked?

Don’t be.

Anyone who thinks that learning medicine is an exercise of monotonous forbearance and martyrdom can revise that opinion again.

This week is like the most exciting week for the whole third year. This week we are learning about sexuality. Not reproductive medicine, mind you. But real sexuality! We are looking at how to counsel patient with regards to their sexual life, how about childhood sexuality and what is the attitude regarding sexuality crossing different cultures.

Most people think that you don’t go to doctors for sexual problems…but they are in for a surprise. A lot of diseases can affect your sexual prowess. Post myocardial infarction, post-trauma that damage the sacral part of spinal cord, post-stroke…a lot of diseases are gonna affect your sexual function. If we do not manage that ‘very important’ part of their life, then we can’t call ourselves this new-edge doctor with a holistic approach, whatever that means.

Most of my tutmates were really looking forward to this week. I had mixed feelings about it. Because I know they are going to want to talk about homosexuality etc…and they are going to ask me about my stand about it. I just know that subject gonna come up. They already find it odd when I said “Sex is done once ur married.” They are already quite surprised when I told them that Muslims are circumcised too. Funny, but they think that nowadays only Jews in the occupied Palestine still practice it.

But most of the time, my tutemates were really supportive. They knew that I was not gonna be too thrilled about having to speak up about this sort of things so publicly. They seemed to think that I am this really innocent child who does not know a thing. Hahahaha. I guess I should have said, “Guys, I am not that innocent anymore. I had a housemate who showered with her boyfriend, all right. And after that, nothing surprises me anymore. So you don’t have to worry that you are going to hurt my tender feelings when you are making those hilarious dirty jokes. I knew all about it.”

But it turned out that I am actually not that knowledgeable. There were sooo many jokes that they need to explain to me at tutorial because I was the only one not laughing (because I don’t get the punch lines). There was one time when I laughed along with them (I thought I had this vague idea about what they were saying) but then Swetha turned to me and asked me “Do you know what we are saying.” Everybody turned around to look at me and I was like, damn it, nak kena mengaku aku buat2 gelak.

It was quite embarrassing but they were really nice about it.

One thing I found really hilarious was ‘the starfish syndrome’. I could not get past that.

Basically, they were saying that lazy women have starfish syndrome. And I was like, why starfish? James, this really funny guy who always make Balqis and I at our wit’s ends, had to lie down on the floor to demonstrate ‘the starfish syndrome’ for me. And after that, I just could not stop laughing. Everytime I think about it, I just want to laugh, especially when I remember how James went to all that trouble to demonstrate it to me and how all my tutemates tried to find the right words to explain all that stuff to this reaaally nice, naive, innocent child that they think I am.

Those are the funny parts, but they were also some provoking parts.

Basically, on top of our usual twice/week tutorials, we also had to attend additional tutorials to learn abot how to talk and counsel our patients regarding sexual life. So in this tutorial we were talking about what are the barriers to talking about sex for both doctors and patients. And then Dr. Sue Outram went around the table to ask how is sexual issues being dealt in our respective families.

I guess, they were expecting that I came from a culture who views sex as dirty and not to be talked about. So, I spoke up and said, “In my family, my parents never sit me down to talk about sexual education. Because by the time you are fifteen you already learn it as part of the science subject. So, if you have an older sister who were fifteen when you were thirteen, you may even know about it when you were thirteen. It does not mean we don’t talk about sex in general or we view sex as dirty and sinful. We regard sex as something normal and physiological, something done once you are married.”

“How about homosexuality? What is the cultural or your family attitude regarding that.”

“As a Muslim, I believe homosexuality is sinful.”

“It’s not acceptable in your family?” Dr. Outram asked again.

“It’s not acceptable in my family and my religion.” There is no way for me to sugar-coat that statement. I could not lie about it, might as well just say it straight out that Muslims do not regard homosexuality in the same light as the westerners.

And then, it was James’ turn to talk about his upbringing. He said, “In my family, my parents never told me that I should not have sex at certain age. They never told me that sex has to wait until I am married. They just expect me to have basic common sense, you know, about safe sex and condoms and things like that. I mean, you can use your own judgment and they just basically expect me to be responsible about it.”

I knew he did not mean to annoy me but he did, regardless. The message that I got was, he was more able to use his reasoning prowess than I could. But anyway, It did not matter very much.

Ying (chinese Australian) and Swetha (Indian Australian) still have some of their Asian values. Swetha told me that she also got the same basic message, “Just like Afiza, sex is done once you are married.”

And then comes D’s turn! Basically, he is a Singaporean Chinese. His mother is Singaporean and his father is from negeri Sembilan. But he grew up in Australia. I think he knew a thing or two about the “National Economy Policy’ and how the Malays are allegedly discriminating the Chinese bla bla bla. Sometimes he made comments that gave me the impression he was not too thrilled about it. But I was like, what the heck, you are not even Malaysian anymore. There was one time he was saying how certain Malaysian food like ‘laksa’ can be a vehicle for food poisoning (we were learning about infectios disease that week). Needless to say, I was not impressed.

So when it came to his turn, he said, “I came from Singapore and my family are Christian. So like many Christians, we do not accept homosexuality. But my parents never force their opinion on anyone. They always said that that is our belief but we should not force that on anyone else. So I was thought to be tolerant about it. And besides, I was in all boys school too and I have come to know about this sort of thing even back then.”

I was like, ni nak perli aku ke? But what the heck! I was not forcing my opinion on anyone. As a Muslim, I regard homosexuality as sinful, but that does not mean I am going to treat my homosexual patients sub-optimally. It does not mean I am going to go around and preach to the homosexual group. It does not mean I am going to pass judgmental remarks to the homosexual group.

However, it does mean that I cannot lie about it when I am asked! Takkan aku nak cakap homosexuality dibenarkan pulak! If I were to say, just for the sake of being tolerant among these Western people, that Islam is not opposed to homosexuality, it would be like saying “London is not in Europe and Malaysia is not located in South East Asia!”

It’s a fact, mate.

A lot of people already know that the three major religions, namely Islam, Judaism and Christianity, are opposed to homosexuality. And with my hijab on, everybody knows that I am a Muslim. So, anyone who asks about my stand regarding homosexuality while knowing the fact that Muslims do not view homosexuality in a kind light, well, they are asking for it. I would tell them, “if you know you’re not going to like the answer, then don’t ask, damn it!”

If people don’t ask, then I won’t go around preaching. But once asked, I won’t lie about it, and I can’t sugar-coat it! The stand is clear; Islam is opposed to homosexuality. Period!

It would be interesting to know that, I have always thought that D is just a little bit on the ’soft’ side, if you know what I mean.

Perhaps, when I was telling Dr. Outram that my religion does not tolerate homosexuality, he may have taken it too personally?

I felt sorry for him, but most of the time we got along really well. We were partners for Ophthalmology session and we were always together for clinical skills. Because I don’t have a car, he has to pick me up to go to the clinics and he told me I was such a chatterbox. Hahahha. We are in good terms, really…just not when it comes to certain matters. When it come to those matters, we annoy each other, I guess.

Too bad, but I am not changing!

3 Comments »
Filed under: The life of med student

I was reading Zulkifli Nordin blog the other day, wondering what kind of a person is he. It was impressive the way he stood up against the bar council, even though he is a PKR member… AND the bar council is made up of a lot of PKR members. So in essence, when Zulkifli Nordin was fighting against the bar council, he was actually fighting against PKR. (PKR endorsed Bar council, remember?)

That’s what I mean about politik berasaskan parti. Ia mewujudkan situasi yg lucu…where ur stand sometimes goes against ur party’s stands. So, most people would find themselves hanyut sekali dgn parti diorang and they would justify that as… well, at least this party is much better than the other one.

Bravo to ZUlkifli for being one of those rare individuals who is able to stick to what he believes is right tanpa memikirkan party. Tak ramai yg boleh buat cam tu. Kalau ramai orang macam dia, there’s still hope for Malaysia…

I was a staunch UMNO supporter once…and my justification pun lebih kurang sama jer. I thought UMNO lagi better drpd PAS eventho I knew UMNO byk juga shortcomings dier. Even when UMNO did lots of wrongdoings…I still said the same thing: UMNO was the better one. (I had lots of reasons for saying that back then…I don’t think I need to go into details)

Susah kita nak ubah parti dari dalam, actually. Anwar yg dikatakan alim dulu chose to join UMNO instead of PAS sebab konon nak ubah UMNO dari dalam. It’s bullshit. The fact is, when you join them, you become one of them.

Now, PAS is looking more and more attractive by the moment…I must admit, kalau aku mengundi di masa hadapan, I will probably undi PAS. There, I can’t believe I had said it.

But at the same time ada juga pemimpin PAS yg aku tak suka.

I still think the best way nak undi adalah base on personality rather than party. So, aku mmg tak setuju sesiapa jer yg cakap ‘in this situation undi DAP pun maybe lebih baik dan akan dapat pahala juga’.  (one of the comments in the previous posts said something along those lines).

Masalah kita skrang….these good individuals sometimes belong to a party yg pendirian dier pelik. When u commit urself to a party it’s like implying that u agree to the party’s policy. Kalau aku tak kenal Zulkifli Nordin and then aku dapat tahu dier belong to keadilan….mustahil aku akan undi dia. Because it’s a tacit, accepted fact that these candidates would uphold their respective party’s policies.

Salahkah PKR nak ambil tindakan disiplin kat Zulkifli? Sebab kita muslims, kita benganglah kalau PKR ambil tindakan (eventhough Anwar yg dikatakan warak tu defacto leader of Keadilan).

PKR mmg dah cakap dier punya policy sebegini dan sebegini. Kalau Zulkifli Nordin tak setuju, dia patut keluar PKR.  Sebab kalau dia tak keluar PKR tapi dia still melakukan perkara yg bercanggah dengan polisi PKR, PKR mmg ada hak untuk melakukan tindakan disiplin.

It’s like saying : “Kalau kamu tak nak ikut undang2 sekolah ni, jgn sekolah kt sini,” (no matter how ridiculous undang2 sekolah tu).

Memang sistem politik kepartian bermasalah. Bila aku cakap aku nak sistem khalifah, ada yg cakap itu tidak realistik buat masa ini, so takkan in the mean time, tak nak buat apa2 langsung?

Masalahnya, in rejecting UMNO, I have to undi Pakatan rakyat yg concists of Keadilan dan DAP ?  what kind of choice is that ??!

To me, Keadilan mmg sgt dodgy. I don’t know why many people can’t see it.

PAS is the best choice…tapi PAS kena keluar pakatan rakyat. Aku tak nak wujud situasi lucu lagi. Aku wonder mcm mana PAS boleh berpakat dengan DAP dan Keadilan…it just doesn’t make sense. Obviously, Keadilan doesn’t have Islam best interest at heart. DAP tu lagilah terang-terangan menolak negara Islam. Apa tunggu lagi?

Alangkah bestnya kalau demokrasi kita tidak berasaskan parti….dan semua org berdiri dengan tiket kredibility and merit (these credibilities and merits could be piety, intelligence, responsibility, visionary etc).

So, setiap kali ada polisi nak dibahaskan di parlimen, semua org vote base on the merit of the policy rather than base on how the policy would benefit the party.

Post 16 September:

I actually waited on 16 September with bated breath. Aku benci dgn org yg berjanji benda yg mustahil. Sama macam bila dulu2 PAS janji nak tubuhkan negara ISLAM tapi bertanding tak cukup kerusi pun nak membentuk kerajaan. Kenapa berjanji benda yg mmg tahu takkan boleh tunaikan. Sekrang PAS dah ubah slogan ‘Menuju negara Islam’ or sthg like that. I liked that better, less of a fraud there. Tapi si Anwar ni pulak ambil alih perangai mungkir janji. Pelikkknyaaa…somebody will have to make me understand kenapa org sokong Anwar. Adakah ‘benci kepada UMNO’ enough justification untuk suka kepada Anwar? How do u use ur God-given reason??

Aku tahu UMNO tak Islamik….but they never pretended to be or claimed to be like one.  Kalau Anwar Islamik, kenapa PKR terlalu ‘liberal’? If somebody can make me see (mungkin aku terlepas pandang) why Anwar is a good choice (not just relatively to UMNO) then I will be most grateful. To me, I just hate double-faced liars. Especially if the said liars have too close a relationship with certain governments like US and Israel.

Kita belajar dengan melihat pattern. The pattern is such that semua government negara-negara Islam yg baik dgn US adalah puppet governments for US…what is the likelihood that DSAI would be any different? We all learn statistic and probabilities. I will be the first to admit that I am not a mathematical genius, but I managed to grasp the basic concept nonetheless.

Something smells fishy…my olfactory nerve (CN I) which is located in the olfactory mucosa just couldn’t help sensing it. The impulse is relayed to the brain. And my brain processes the info, telling me to feel nothing but disgust. (something  medical to end what is supposed to be a medical blog)

18 Comments »
Filed under: Med student gets political

Aku dengan surgeon…

1)mcm ada satu allergic reaction (speaking medically)

2)mcm ada bad karma (speaking mystically)

3) insert ur own…could not think of any more phenomena where two things (in this case homo sapiens) just could not, would not, reconcile or exist in the same space within 10 miles radius.

Minggu itu minggu renal.

Belajar pasal kidney, belajar pasal loop of henle and countercurrent mechanism, belajar pasal acute and chronic renal failure, balajar pasal glomerulonephritis.

It so happened that for renal week all the lecturers were so lazy to make the trip to the uni, that all of us, poor students have to make the trip to John Hunter Hospitals ourselves.  All the lectures that week were held in John Hunter Hospital (JHH).

Because the lecture would start at about 12.30, me and Miss B went to the hospital early so that we could perform our Zuhur prayer in the JHH meditation room. Nak tunggu solat baru nak bertolak dari rumah mmg tak sempat, dengan parking space mcm kangkang kera.

As we were performing the prayer, somebody from the outside tried to open the door to the meditation room but it just would not budge. I did not recall whether me and Miss B might have locked it.

Aku pun tak khusyuk sgt nak solat sebab tahu ada org kt luar nak masuk tapi tak boleh masuk. The meditation room was not meant to be locked.

So fine, lepas solat, cepat2 kitorang kuar from the room. And we saw a big guy (arabic looking) with two cruthces under his arms,was waiting patiently outside the room. He was wearing blue scrubs and the blue headscarf. I smiled at him, kesian tengok kaki dier cedera and kena pakai cructhes semua. I closed the door and quickly walked away (we were late for lectures).

Tak sampai 5 langkah, tiba2 the big guy called out to us. I turned around, puzzled and a little bit exasperated at being waylaid. I was, after all, 5 minutes late to lectures and there is nothing more I hate than being late to lectures. Aku tahu tak derlah org teringin sgt nak stare kt aku pun bila aku masuk lecture hall, but still aku rasa self-conscious…so aku slalu cuba avoid being late.

“Yes?” I inquired, politely.

“Did you lock the door to this meditation room?”

Gulp! Aku memang serius tak ingat aku pernah lock the door. Seingat aku, aku just masuk mediatation room, amik wuduk and terus solat…tak der plak aku play around with the lock at the door.

So aku pun denylah. “No, I did not. Why?’

Laki tu mmg nampak annoyed super dengan aku.  ” I could not get into the room. It’s locked.” Accusation rang in his every word

What he meant to say: Habis tu? Apsal aku tak leh masuk meditation room ni? Kalau bukan ko yg kunci, siapa lagi? Hantu?

The thing is, mana aku tahu!! Maybe even sebelum aku masuk lagi, the door is already in a ‘locked’ position. Kan aku dah cakap aku tak wat! Tak percaya sudah! Who cares! Aku rasa cam, hah menyesal aku senyum kt ko! Menyesal nak kesian kt ko.

Tapi lidah aku kelu! Tak leh nak cakap! Aku dah janji tak nak gaduh kan. Aku tengok kt Miss B, mana tahu dier ader idea caner nak deal ngan mamat ni.

“You need to call the security. And tell them to come and open the door.”

Lagilah aku hangin! Aku dah lewaaaatttt!

“I need to call the security?” What I meant to say was, Apsal plak aku yg kena call security?  Ko yg kerja kt sini….ko tahu number security apa, ko tahu caner nak call switch suruh sambung kt security, ko ader pager number semua. Telephone pun kt sebelah dinding tu jer. Apsal bukan ko jer yg call?

Tak ke lagi efficient kalau dier yg call? The thing is, aku tak tahu number secuirty apa. Kalau aku call switch, aku mesti kena letak pager number sumer…aku mana ada pager! Gila!

“Yes, you need to call the security!”

Waagghhh…tensionnya. Feeling reaallly out of sorts, aku pun cakap, “Okay, I don’t know the number.”

Muka aku mmg confuse. Aku tak faham kenapa dier, a Muslim guy, berkira sgt dengan aku, a Muslim girl. Kalau yer pun salah aku (but it actually was not) takkan ko tak boleh telefon sendiri…you have every equipments and every knowledge to do so efficiently and quickly. Berkiranya! tak gentleman langsung! Hiys!

It was at the tip of my tongue to tell him that….tapi aku senyap jer. I was like, sabar Afiza, mulut tu jaga. Kerana pulut santan binasa, okay! Ingat Jane, Ingat Kelly, ingat jgn marah2 lagi!

That guy pun cakap number apa nak kena call sumer.  Kitorang pun angguk2 and blah konon nak cari telefon. I was so relieved when he was out of my sight.

On the way nak gi lecture, aku ngan Miss B berbincang,

“Okay camner nak cari security ni? Kita dah lewat….apa kata kita buat tak tahu jer, kita gi lecture. Kalau dier tunggu lama sgt nanti, pandai2 lah dier call sendiri kan!”

Tapi aku rasa bersalah. Aku cuba pikir kenapa dier tak nak call sendiri. Maybe sebab dier cedera kot…so susahlah dier nak call security? Agh, tak logic…kaki ko yg cedera bukan tgn. Setakat nak pick up the phone, tak luak pun ATP (read: energy).  Hmmph!

Tapi sebab rasa bersalah punya pasal, kitorang cuba gak cari telefon and punched in the number yg dier kasi tu….tapi engage.

Shrugging off our shoulder, we went straight to the lecture, thinking that, well, at least we tried kan!

Aku wonder adakah lelaki ni doctor or surgeon…tapi setengah2 nurse pun pakai scrubs jugak kan!  Kalau setakat nurese or attendants jer, aku tak takut sgt. I was hoping, tolonglah jgn kata dia surgeon.

Next day, lecture kt JHH lagi….

Kali ni aku solat sorang. Aku betul2 take note yg aku tak sentuh langsung lock at the door.

Tengah solat tu, aku dengar ada org buka pintu, and then dier tutup balik pintu. Hati aku berdebar nih. Siapakah yg tengah menunggu?  Kalau Balqis, mesti dier masuk straight jer…. Muslim guys dlm bacth aku pun Mr. N and Mr. M jer.

Please God, not the big guy with scrubs and crutches.

Bila dah habis solat, aku keluar bilik menunduk pandangan jer (semua org yg tengok aku mesti ingat aku ni alim jerrr….)  Tapi disebabkan akuk menundukkan pandangan ke tanah, aku dpt nampak kaki yg dibalut seluar biru and crutches.  Sympathetic nervous system aku terus melakukan tugas dengan efficientnya. Aku tak pandang mana dah, straight jer aku jalan, blah drpd dia.

Next day…lecture kt JHH lagi….

Aku rasa calm and collected. Takkanlah aku berjodoh gila dgn mamat arab tu sampai tiap2 hari nak jumpa dier kan. Lagipun hari tu lecture habis awal, and aku tak payah guna mediatation room kt hospital. Boleh solat kt umah jer…

Aku rasa tenang jer….mesti takkan bump into him anymore.

Tengah hang out kt cafe untuk minum coffee….tiba2 aku nampak the familiar cructhes with their owner’s face kt meja across the concourse. Dier tengah bergelak tawa dengan doktor2. Confirm dier surgeon and not just a lowly nurse. Aku terus pandang tempat lain sebelum dia perasan.

My thought at that time: Apalah masalah aku ngan surgeon2 ni? I can’t wait to learn orthopaedic next week. Tak nak datang hospital dah. Aaaarrrghhhh!!

Memanglah medical community ni sikit…alih2 ko jumpa org yg sama jer….

Next week, Orthopaedic week di Uni…

Aku dah lupa dah pasal mamat arab with cructhes tu…biasalah orthopaedic ni blajar sikit nyer banyak. Ridiculous amount of work! Minggu paling dahsyat so far.

Sebab aku ni konon nya nak rajin lah kan….aku duduk second row. Dahlah second row, depan aku tak der org plak tu.  I applause my own courage. Bagi aku, ko nak tanya apa pun tanyalah…kalau aku tak tahu aku jawab jerlah tak tahu. Malulah sekejap, tapi who cares kan!

Bila lecturer masuk…

jeng jeng jeng!

Guess who?

Yup! That guy! Kali ni dah tak pakai crutches…dier guna cane plak. Jalan dier nampak masih terhenjut2.

I was like… Oh ground, please open up and swallow me whole.
Please please. Dahlah aku sorang Muslim student wearing the hijab at that time…Miss B was lucky because she missed the lecture for her clinics. Aku rasa takottttt!

Caner kalau dier kenal aku ? Caner kalau dier sengaja nak malukan aku and tanya mcm2 soalan yg susah? Mcm mana kalau aku tak leh jawab? Apalah malang sgt nasib aku dpt orthopaedic surgeon yg ini sebagai lecturer? Arghhhhhh!! Mesti dier bengang, tunggu security tak kunjung tiba.

A chinese girl that I alway hang out with, Yani…she knew about my story with the surgeon. Dier gelak tak leh nak control lagi. AKu dah takut time tu…tapi muka aku buat neutral jer…kang surgeon tu lagi perasan.

At one time, dier mmg tengok straight kt aku….I almost stop breathing. But nothing happened. No thunder in the sky. No flash of lightning! No earthquake! Most importantly, no shots of questions.

Fuh!

It was the longest hour of my life. When the lecture was over…. baru aku boleh bernafas properly….

As I walked out of the lecture and was on the way home, aku terserempak lagi dengan dier yg tengah jalan ke parking lot. Yani kt sebelah aku dah senyum. “How come u always bump into him?”

I was asking the same question. The very person u want to avoid is always the person who pops up sudden like.

Aku tengok jer dier berjalan terhenjut2 ke arah kereta dierr…I gave him and invisible good-bye wave.

Hope I will never see u again. And I hope by the time I will be doing my surgical rotation next year, you would have forgotten all about me.

Moral of the story: Betapa keciknya the world of medical professionals! Jgn cari masalah ngan org!

2 Comments »
Filed under: The life of med student

Full panic mode: Aku sgt byk gila kena catch up especially after the stressful week of war with my housemates.

I felt like I am not ready for the upcoming exam. (it would be in another 3 months….but still there’s a lot to cover! X tipu!!)

Penat lah….I get anxiety and fight-and-flight reaction for both exam and the cold war that I had with Kelly. Aiyoooo! That’s like a double whammy of adrenaline. Palpitation, cold sweat semua ada!

Lepas ni tak nak gaduh dah! Afiza, learn ur lesson rite now! Sabar tu lagi bagus drpd bergaduh, ok? Get that into ur damn head.

Poor my mom! Dier yg lagi dahsyat risau pasal aku. My mom has an anxious personality….tambah2 lagi bila aku criter kt dier Kelly nak sue aku on the basis of me discriminating si Collin. (Kelly is crazy! Ingat senang ke dier nak prove a medical student is sexist!) Aku teringin nak tengok camner si Kelly nak cakap dlm court yg aku ni sexist! What a joke!!

Aku mcm nak cakap kt dier, “Look, Kelly. I like men, ok? I looveee men! In fact, I think your Collin is cute. So, now maybe you would be more careful about bringing him here everyday. Who knows I might decide to seduce him one day. Hahahhaha” (sarcastic tone).

Mak aku hantar sms byk giler nak nasihat aku suruh jadi org yg penyabar. Aku rasa lawak sgt sms mak aku nih. She seemed so anxious about me. Time aku gaduh ngan surgeon pun, dier jugak yg lagi dahsyat anxious drpd aku. So, at last, my mom berjaya extract one promise from me: that I would never fight with another mat salleh again and I would be more patient.

SMS Mak: Kak ngah kena ingat kita dok kt tempat org. Sabar2 jgn bagi org sakit ati. Kalau org sakit ati, apa2 ja org leh wat. Mak takut sgt2. Takut angah menangis kt sana, mak ngan ayah menangis kt sini. Tu budaya depa, biar ja la. Kalau org saman kita, x pasai2 masuk penjara. Keja kita blajar ja. Tak payahlah dok gaduh2 sampai report kt org atas. Buat ja tak tau. Kalau kita tak suka, kita keluar.

My reply: Mak jgn risau. Head of college ckp angah pun betul. Angah mmg nak pindah pun.

SMS mak: Mak takut bf dia sakit ati, depa leh wat apa ja. Mak tak mau la angah duk gaduh2 ngan mat salleh. Cukup la. Len kali jgn kisah budaya depa. Biar la. Nanti nak blajar pun susah. Dok jadi masalah benda cam tu. Tak syok gaduh2 ni. Kita tak dak sapa2 kt sana.  Jgn amik tau pasai2 org len.

My reply: Ok mak. Angah x buat dah. Tapi angah x sibuk pasai depa klau depa x kacau angah. Dia x leh wat apa2 kt angah. Boyfren dia pun takut ngan angah.

SMS Mak: Mak nak ingatkan kak ngah berkali2 jgn dok gaduh ngan mat salleh. cukup la tu. Tu negeri depa, budaya depa. X larat tengok, tok sah dok tengok. Blajar sungguh2. Kita tumpang kt tempat depa. Sabar2 ja la apa2 pun. Depa tetap akan masuk ngan bangsa depa. Ingat tu. Nanti bagi alamat rumah nak hantar baju raya.

My reply: Oh, dah nak raya. Huhu. Ok mak. Angah x gaduh dah. Ni last. Lepas ni angah sabar ja. Mak jgn risau. Angah pun dah malas nak gaduh. Byk lagi kerja len angah nak wat.

SMS Mak: Ha tu la! Keja blajar lagi byk. Tak payah kisah remeh temeh bangsa depa tu.Depa tak dak dosa pahala. Lantak depa lah. Mak takut depa sakit ati. Nanti susah angah gak.Kita kena belajar sabar. Tu dugaan juga nak uji kita.

My reply: Ok lah. Angah bukannya kisah dosa pahala depa. Tapi depa mmg tak respek la. Bawa bf balik tiap2 hari. Angah dok dengar depa mandi skali. Angah terkejut.

SMS Mak: Terkejut apa. Depa mmg tak pa. Depa bukan org Islam. Depa tidoq skali pun tak pa. Kita keluar, sudah. Jgn bertengkar ngan depa. Depa rasa depa tak salah. Kita ja yg rasa terkejut. Depa mmg tak respek kita. Jadi kita tak suka, kita keluar ja. Lepas ni jgn dok kata apa dah. Kalau dia tu org melayu Islam tak pa lah kita tolong tegor dia. Sebab bukannya apa mak risau. kak ngah dok kat sana tak dak sapa2 pun.

My reply: Memanglah depa boleh buat apa ja. Tapi takkan sampai org len boleh dengar.  Ok mak. Angah tak gaduh dah. Angah mmg nak pindah. Lagi bagus. Angah dah tak selesa kt sini.

SMS Mak: Ha ok lah. Pindah lah dok ngan sapa2, suhaila pa ka. Mak risau takut jadi masalah kt kak ngah. Sebab tu mak tak mau kak ngah gaduh2 benda2 mcm tu. Nanti ganggu nak blajar. Dah lah blajar pun susah.mak risau la.

My reply: Angah duk ngan dayah. Suhaila wat rotation. Dia x dak kt uni. Taun depan kami 3 org pikiaq len nak duk kt mana. Mak x yah risau. Masalah dah settle.

Huhuhu. Boleh kira brapa kali mak aku suruh sabar. And boleh kira brapa kali aku suruh mak aku jgn risau. I felt sooo guilty sebab buat dia risau. So, iA, since aku pun dah berjanji mutiple times that I am going to be a nicer and a more patient person…maybe aku takkan ada apa2 lagi incident selepas ni. Aku betul2 dah serik sebab it affect my studies. So, lepas ni kalau nak gaduh pun aku pikir berjuta2 kali.

Tapi bukan senang nak sabar. I don’t have the kind of passive personality yg boleh terimaaaa jer. Aku mesti rasa mcm kena fight for my rights. Kadang2 aku envy dengan those yg ada calm, settled temperament. Mcm mana diorang buat? Adakah maksudnya aku ni tak cukup baik? Gitu? Huhuhu. Theory tu pun ada betulnya gak. Aku mmg lah tak baik sgt! Maybe it’s time I change…

Sabar, sabar, sabar!

3 Comments »
Filed under: Family Life

Aku tak pernah rasa sakit hati mcm ni sekali.

Jane, my dear sweet housemate, dah berubah. Sebelum ni, setiap kali dier nak bawa lelaki, dier akan mention kat aku so that I won’t be caught by surprise. Tapi sejak datangnya Kelly masuk ke dalam unit ni, Jane dah tak kisah pasal aku.

Basically, Kelly ni suka sgt bawa boyfriend dier masuk dlm umah. Tiap-tiap hari pulak tu! AKu jadi bengang…takkan aku nak pakai tudung dlm umah tiap2 hari? Melampau lah!! So, untuk tunjukkan rasa tak puas hati aku, aku tanya Jane, “Is Kelly’s boyfriend going to be here all the time?”

Tahu Jane jawab apa? “Yes, it is the culture here. You know, you should apply to stay with other muslim girls. I know it’s hard. But it is the culture here!”

Aku jadi sakit hati dengan Jane! Kelly tu memang aku sakit hati juga…tapi at least Kelly tu tak baik ngan aku pun sebelum ni! Dengna Jane tu…aku rasa geraaaammmmm sgt!! Aku dah byk kali tolerate dengan dier punya aktiviti! Tak boleh ke dier consider aku sama?

So, I write her a letter, to explain to her that I have my own rights to be comfortable in my own house!

Dear Jane,

You know how my English is better in writing than it is in speaking, hence this letter.

. Hence, I feel like I am more familiar with the rules of ‘having guests in the Uni accommodation’ than anyone else in the house.

Basically, if anyone else bothers to read the license agreement at all (it’s still in the uni website; there’s a link under the headlines ‘guest’), there is one section talking specifically about the etiquette of having guests in the house. From vague memory, here are the rules:

1)The resident cannot allow the guest to spend overnight for more than ten days in a year.

2)The guest should only stick to the host’s room (in this case, Collin can only go into Kelly’s room) and not impose the guest’s presence on the other housemates.

3)If the guest wants to use the shower, the kitchen and the lounge room or the other comforts of the house, the guest must be accompanied by the host, and ONLY if the other residents are not uncomfortable with it.

4)The host’s key must not be given to anyone else (your guest included)

All the rules above were made for the sake of security and for the sake of the comfort of the other paying residents.

I do not blame Collin for being here. Collin is Kelly’s guest and it is her responsibility to mention of his presence to the other housemates. But she never bothered to do so. She does not have the sole ownership of the house. I pay for the rent too. I guess, I am also wrong for not telling her. In the future, I would do so.

This is not just a cultural issue. Even if you rent a house off-campus together with four other housemates, it is common courtesy that you should mention your guest’s presence to your other housemates. It is rude to impose the presence of someone else in the house that you share with other housemates who also pay the rent.

I expect Kelly to do what you did every time you bring a guest home. Mention it to me. Show me some respect. At least, Kelly should have told me what to expect; how long is Collin going to hang around, is he gonna be in the kitchen or lounge room? Is he going to go upstairs? Until what time is he gonna be here for?

This house is meant to accommodate five people at a time. That’s the license agreement that I signed every year. As a future lawyer, you know what license agreement means. Since you have told me that Collin is going to be here all the time, that’s six people. That’s not what I have agreed to pay the rent for.

Now, even though culturally we are different, we are actually not that different. I have certainly had friends coming over too. But I am always careful to mention that fact to the other housemates. I am trying to show that I respect their rights as the co-owners of the house, knowing that by having my friends over might compromise their comfort. I have no right to let my friends use the facilities in the house that my friends don’t pay for, unless with permission from the other housemates (verbal or implied consent).

Having said that, not everything you do need the housemate’s verbal consent. This is not, after all, a jail and I am not a warden. For example, I implied my consent of having Monica here (because I like her and she is such a sweet girl) by welcoming her into the house with a greeting and a smile. I don’t need you to ask my permission for that. And certainly if I am not available to ask permission from, I would not feel offended to find out anyone has had a guest when I was not home. I am not that bad. I am not that unreasonable.

But in cases that you feel might bring discomfort to your housemates, courtesy demands that you ask for the housemate’s agreement, or at least mention it.

By bringing Collin in the house whenever she pleases, my comfort is greatly compromised:

1)He pops up here all of a sudden. If that is a single, isolated occurrence I would not have minded very much. But here, I saw him practically every day. If I don’t see him everyday, I could hear him everyday in my room. The sign that you had so brilliantly designed at the wall near the stairs has become useless. The ‘male picture’ on the signpost hasn’t changed for days!

2)You know that I like having my room door open. I feel claustrophobic when my door is shut. But with him around, I have to close the door all the time because he would have to pass my door to go to the toilet or the shower.

3)I have to wear my full clothes if I need to go to the shower because I worried he’d suddenly come out from Kelly’s room and would see me indecent.

4)During the last semester break, Kelly gave her key to Collin one night, and he keeps coming in and out of the house (like he actually lives here) making me and Dayah feel so uncomfortable, not knowing when to expect him to come.Basically, the rule of not giving your key to someone else is made for a reason. You can’t just let your friend (who is a stranger to your other housemates) has access to the house that you actually share with other housemates. The other housemates would have no idea what type of person your friend could be. They could be put at risk and so are their possessions in the house. Now, that’s just an example and I am not saying that Collin’s personality is the risky type. I am just trying to explain why I feel so annoyed with Kelly.

5)Having shower together? Twice? What is inappropriate in your parents’ house must also be inappropriate when done in a house that you share with others. I think, that is common sense.

Like I have mentioned before, I too have had friends coming over, but I certainly have mentioned the fact to you and other housemates who were present in the house, as a show of courtesy. I would be even more mindful to mention it if I think me and my friends will be using the lounge room and the kitchen for a lengthy time. And when I had only one friend coming over for study, she only sticks in my room and not in the other shared area like the kitchen or the lounge.

Like I said, I am not averse to anyone bringing their friends home but everything must have a limit. After all, the word ‘guest’ has a specific definition. It certainly does not mean ‘being here all the time’ (cultural issues or not). She certainly could have him here once or twice a week. Tell me what to expect and how long to expect him here especially if they will be using the lounge and the kitchen. I don’t want to be caught surprised without my headscarf on. And if anyone wants to have their female friends over, I am giving my consent in advance. Go ahead and bring them over and don’t even need to mention to me. But I have to draw the line when it comes to ‘male guest’.

One day, you would become a lawyer and you would fight for someone’s right. I have grounds for complaints. Last year, Dayah lodged a report on her housemate for always bringing her boyfriend over and Edwards Hall administration had actually sent a warning email to her housemate. Like I said, I have grounds for complaint. Australian culture is not the only culture in the university. Edwards Hall does respect other people’s culture too. Therefore in matters like this, let’s go back to the basic rules of having a guest in the house. There are limits.

If this is a court case, the verdict is clear cut. I am a paying resident and I don’t live here on charity. My comfort matters because I pay the rent for this unit and Colin does not. And the license agreement protects my rights.

All I ask is simple; tell me when to expect Collin around, bearing in mind that a guest is a guest and is subjected to the rules. Therefore, a guest is not going to be here ‘all the time’ and cannot come and go as he wishes without consulting the other housemates. That is the privilege of the paying resident only.

When Kelly had chosen to live here, in a shared unit, she should know that her freedom would be compromised. After all, no one is totally free. Our freedom is limited by other people’s freedom. Our rights are limited by other people’s rights. When there are disputes about one’s right compared to another person’s right, we should just go to the basic rules in the license agreement (even though I hate to be fussy and pedantic).

Dearest Jane, this letter is written because I am much better at writing than I am at speaking in English. I feel I could be more frank and coherent in a letter. I am upset, but not at you. The reason I wrote this is because I want you to understand that it’s not that I refuse to adapt to the culture. That’s a side issue. This is an issue of respect. Also an issue of my rights. And I take that seriously.

Your own conduct is above reproach. You have gone to the trouble of designing a ‘sign system’ to let us know when the boys would be here. I appreciate your concern more than anything. And I want you to know that.

Your suggestion about having an all-Muslim girls in the house had been done the past two years.This is my first year of having non-Muslim housemates and only because there aren’t that many Muslim students anymore.

But I have an even better suggestion. Maybe, Kelly and Collin can rent a house together and live together (since they seem to want to be together all the time). Then they won’t have to worry about other people hearing them in the shower. Hahahaha.

With deepest regard and respect,

Fiffy

7 Comments »
Filed under: Family Life